Exxon Climate Ad Parody Blames Immigrants and Scientists

We at Exxon have

always been committed to

the well-being of our

community,

and most of all,

you,

the customer. And now our treasured

relationship is about to

be tested like never before.

With an historic warming

El Niño currently forming in

the Central Pacific, already rising global

temperatures will likely go

higher than the planet has seen in

hundreds of thousands of years, creating violent

weather events, death,

and destruction- -across our

shared Mother Earth.

See what flipped over.

And there will, of

course, be a lot of finger-pointing and blame.

Which is why we at Exxon

wanna make sure you blame the

correct people,

like poor immigrants and refugees.

It's a fact, immigrants

look and talk weird,

so you never know if they're asking you

what time it is or planning to sex

traffic your daughter.

Now, on the ground.

All right, but you're not gonna-

I'll make you crawl.

Remember to also direct

rage at those fat cat

climate scientists. They rake in the dough and bang

supermodels

while hardworking

oil executives,

corporate media

types, and banking CEOs

grind out a living. And if

all this blaming and

anger somehow still

starts to point back at us,

your beloved Exxon family, remember to consult with the

experts.

When there's global warming,

you just move to where it's not so

warm.

They can explain how the

greenhouse effect,

something we are taught in

seventh grade

science, is a vast socialist Hamas

conspiracy. Because at the end of the day, a

home can always be replaced,

and so can a family pet.

Even if you lose an

elderly family

member, just start calling a random old

person Memaw or

Pop-Pop. True Americans

believe it's during the hard times

when we really see

who our loved

ones are, and no one loves you more than

Exxon. In fact, if it were possible, we at

Exxon want to,

in a gentle and loving manner,

enter you from behind.

Exxon.

Are we responsible for

greenhouse gases destroying your

towns, homes, and lives?

Why would someone

who loves you as much as we do

ever do that?