The Inbetweeners: Jay Reacts to Alastair's Return After Kidney Failure

See, what clothes are gonna look better on you than me?

Apart from a paper bag for your fucking head.

Brilliant. Shall we give it a rest now, Jay?

Good morning! Shut up and let's get this over with.

Right. Wait a minute. Cartwright? What is that?

It's a stud, sir. I don't mean the earring.

Take it out, or I will rip it out.

But... what about my human rights?

You have to be human for those who apply, Cartwright. Out, now.

Right. I'm sure that most of you will remember Alastair Scott.

Yes, Sutherland?

I don't.

You sat next to him in registration for four years.

Oh, Alastair!

Well, thankfully, after a tough year, they found a donor and he's finally on the mend.

In preparation for his return to school, he's coming in at lunchtime to answer any questions you may have about his illness and...

Yes, Sutherland?

Can I catch it?

No. You cannot catch kidney failure.

Mackenzie, my office. Ten minutes.

What's Gilbert want?

Probably wants me to act as a chaperone for that Alastair kid.

Poor guy. Imagine what he's been through. He's a dick.

Jay?!

What? He is a dick. I never liked him when he was well. I never liked him when he was ill.

And I don't like him now. He's getting better. Simple.

Oh, he was all right.

Oh, he wasn't. He was a complete bellend. He was worse than briefcase.

Thanks very much.

Look, he's had a hugely traumatic time. Maybe he's changed.

He's not gonna got more interest in an hospital bed attached to a drip for a year, is he?

What a sympathetic view of a life-threatening illness.

And he used to stink. Oh, I'm not going.

Oh, come on, Jay. There might be sausage rolls.

Why would there be sausage rolls?

We had sausage rolls when my nan died.

He's not dead now, isn't he?

But he still might have sausage rolls, though.

Fine, fuck it. I'll come. But I'm warning you, he's a dick.