Dark Humor on Death and Consumerism

Everything dies around me.

My name is Death.

Uh, so my job is, um,

yeah, taking life.

I think I'm pretty good at it.

But, uh, it's a lonely profession.

It's, uh, very hard to meet new people.

So, uh, it gets a bit, yeah, boring.

But recently,

I met someone.

I'm an Shitificator. My job is making things

shitty.

Shitty.

And, uh, what's more shitty than

that?

It was the perfect match, as long as I keep a safe distance.

So products used to just

last forever. The problem with that

is that they only make money once. So we needed

a way to just shorten their lifetime.

It's simple. We just take a normal, solid product, give it to

her, and she figures out a way to shorten its

life.

Oh.

Look at all the companies who used to make solid, long-lasting

products.

Where are they now?

Dead.

I've really enjoyed using my abilities to kill things, not just

living beings.

The easiest way to make sure a product has a short life is by using

low-quality materials.

It's really important that the product can't be fixed.

It breaks, then it dies, so you have to buy another one,

and another one, and another one, and another one, and another one.

This way, we're actually slowly killing the planet

as well.

Digital killing is even easier. We just stop sending

updates, and then the product dies by itself.

Or even better, we give an update to make its

life shorter.

We make a very good team.

We're partners in crime.

Well.

Not like romantic partners.

No, no.

But more like fr- best friends.

Strictly business hours.

It feels very good to be useful

to someone.

Nothing lasts forever.

Except death.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's true. It's funny 'cause it's true.

Yeah, it's true.

Yes.

Okay,

back to work.