Humorous Domestic Life Anecdotes

He lives at the country house, and I'm at home. I, damn it, am so out of the habit of them.

It's just awful what was going on.

He suddenly decided to live with me for a week so I wouldn't get out of the habit, right?

So I wouldn't go off the leash, wouldn't dig myself a— out of Shevchenko, wouldn't scrape myself a hole.

First of all, so you understand,

he turns on the air conditioning.

The air conditioning is set to 18 degrees, Lena,

18. Imagine, I'm like a dumpling in

a freezer, just lying there like this

under a down comforter. My teeth are chattering.

I'm like that wolf over an ice hole with his tail, who just

went to the general store and bought himself a bowl of borscht.

Just to show what an unworthy wife I am.

At the general store, you understand? He went to the general store and bought a bowl of borscht, and

that's it.

And my nervous system is messed up, you understand? It's shaken up.

I've got one wandering nerve left. That's it. And he goes, slurp, slurp.

I say, "Why are you slurping? Is it really so hard to just put it

in your mouth? Put it in and swallow, put it in and swallow."

He looks at me like this

and says, "It doesn't taste good that way." He took a candy, like this

he took the candy,

and put it in his mouth like this. Well, suck it quietly, okay?

No, he moves it back and forth,

against his teeth, left, right, left, right,

le— bang, bang, bang! Against all the sides.

I'm lying there reading, you know? He doesn't

listen to a single one of those Reels, not even halfway through.

Like that. And I— I've got a teacher's mindset, I

have to keep track of everything happening in the area around me,

you know? I'm trying to read here, and I also have to

catch the Reels with my ear. When he finished them all on Instagram, he opened

TikTok.

He didn't like TikTok— he opened Facebook.

He's chasing that dopamine, you know? Football.

Leva talks, Yura talks, reels talk, two

commentators talk, and then, in the kitchen, popcorn starts

popping. Like this: tap,

tap,

tap,

tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap,

tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Just a battlefield.

The stench is unbelievable. It's like five homeless people

spent the night at my place. Five homeless people, at least.

Fresh out of the dumpster, from the actual garbage bin.

But! The most important thing is, Yuri had prepared for the

treat. You understand? He decided

to make me happy with his visit.

You know what I'm talking about, right? Yeah. Everything

had been shaved clean two days before I arrived.

Like that. With a lawnmower, probably.

It looked like this...

The metal thing for the frying pan, you know?

And when I

came into contact with something wonderful like that, Len, it was

just a touching zoo,

a porcupine that doesn't shoot me

with its quills.

I just spun around on the tip like this and then

carefully climbed down. It was simply terrifying.

I understand why kings and queens lived in separate

rooms.

Why do I need all this? Of course, I like Margaret Thatcher, who

once came to visit the Queen and was utterly astonished that

she said, "I love my husband."

And the Queen looks at her and says, "Well, sleeping together is

poverty, it means you don't have enough rooms."

But the royal arrangement suits me better.

Mine is gone.