English transcript

like you guys know that I had a really really bad um I had a really bad stalker for three years

right and I I feel like it's been long enough that I feel fine about talking about it I know

I've like I've told the story kind of sorta before on Wine About It and whatever um but I had I had

this really really bad stalker for three years um and he he was schizophrenic and he thought you

know he thought we were like in a relationship and it was daily dozens of of like contact attempts

daily for three years and that's three it was so that's that's my life like when it's something

that it's when it's something that's a threat to your safety and it's daily for three years it's

like it's really hard to do other stuff you know what I mean like it's really hard to like

not think about that like it's just always this like dark scary cloud that's there all the time

you know what I mean and unfortunately that kind of like and this is this is what sucks for y'all

because the almost all of you guys like the vast vast vast majority of you guys are cool and normal

you know and like not like that but my relationship uh to him became this like

holy f**k the internet like holy f**k just like stay away from me holy f**k leave me alone

just like whatever so it just became this like whatever and I've told like pretty much that whole

story but what I didn't the part that I hadn't told you guys because people have asked about him

like even in chat right now people are like what are the police doing about it first of all

it really f**king depends on the police department like a lot of police I've worked with a lot of

police departments on or I worked with a lot of them on this case and several other cases I have

open cases at police departments all across the country but um some some are really great and some

are really really not helpful at all um and then people have asked like what what are the police

departments done what what what happened like what did you have to do how did you fix it I

obviously would not be talking about I don't talk about that on stream because it makes it worse

every time you talk about it it makes it worse for stalking um I haven't told you guys that he

killed himself he took his own life a couple years ago now and I never said that on stream

um but now it's been long enough that I feel like I can and so that was this whole other layer and

it was it was like in the thick of it it was it was he had like gotten arrested um and then

he you know was in like a facility and whatever and then and it was like at the end at the end

of the three years and when it was getting really bad like when he was really really escalating and

then and then he took his life and it was like a very complicated thing because there's this like

there's so much relief to it but then there's so much guilt in it and like this journey started

because I had a really I had a really good conversation with a musician who uh absolutely

loves their fan base like loves them like they're like yeah they're everything to me I think they're

wonderful people I like I just I feel really good when I'm around them like I feel really safe when

I'm around them and I was like that's so it's just like I want I want to feel like that or I want to

feel like that you know um and honestly and I had to look at myself and be like wow I don't feel

that way even at TwitchCon and you know I mean you guys you guys probably understand this based

on TwitchCon last year but like I don't feel particularly safe at TwitchCon it's not at

TwitchCon it's just like in general being around being around viewers in person I'm scared generally

I'm a small woman you know what I mean like uh with like a primarily male fan base I'm not I

don't feel safe when I'm or like when I'm when I'm IRL streaming you know what I mean I don't

safe is not one of the first words that I think of for sure