SNL Season Finale Joke Swap

Tonight is our s- uh, season finale, and we, uh-

Sure.

I'm not sure.

Your last joke took my breath away.

Uh, we have a tradition here, uh, where Che and I give each other jokes to

read at

the end of the season.

Yeah, we're making each other read jokes live on

air that the other person

has never seen before.

But before we start, it's SNL's 50th

season, so I wanna take a moment to say something

to our boss,

Lorne Michaels.

Lorne, retire, bitch.

Let me run the show.

Wow, out the gate, Colin. Well, maybe you should just tell your first

joke. How about that?

Oh, I get to do another.

Yeah.

Great.

Yeah, tell a joke, man.

CBS has premiered the first hour-long daytime soap

opera with a predominantly Black cast.

It'll air when Black people are home from work, 24

hours a day.

Since you liked that-

... here's another.

CBS has premiered the first half-hour-long daytime soap

opera with a predominantly Black cast.

It's called All My Children Don't Know Who Their Daddy Is.

Movie theaters are trying to stop teenagers from screaming and throwing

popcorn during the Minecraft scene with the Chicken Jockey,

because some of us are trying to masturbate.

But seriously, Minecraft was a great movie.

I haven't been that excited since I saw a white woman

drink unattended.

That must have been so exciting for you.

Oh.

I wonder what-

Oh, man. Why? This is just-

Could be anything

... a new, yeah, could be, it could be nice, yeah.

A new study finds that the hoots and grunts of bonobos show

signs of complex thoughts similar to human language.

Oh, so like that awful halftime show?

Oh.

You know, before I tell another joke, I wanna take this opportunity to apologize

to

someone I hurt. Uh, Scarlett, can you come out here?

I don't like this. You know, last time we did joke swap,

I made Colin do some

tasteless jokes comparing your vagina to Costco roast

beef.

Yes, I remember that.

Well, the fact is, I was just lashing out because I'm jealous.

I've never even seen a human vagina.

And notice I said human.

Because I once spent the summer on a farm.

You feel me?

Maybe I'm just embarrassed about my own body.

I can't even take my hoodie off during sex because I have more nipples than a

pregnant dog.

Yes, I have heard that about you.

And Colin, I'm sorry too, because I owe you everything.

Aw.

When Colin discovered me, I was selling crack outside the

Bronx Zoo. And now look at me,

selling crack outside the American Girl doll store.

I've told thousands of jokes on Update and gotten dozens of laughs.

But I've never said the three most important words of all,

I love you.

Aw.

Aw, that was really sweet. That's really sweet, buddy. Love you too.

Oh, well, um, yeah.

Okay. B- b- before I continue, Golden

State Warriors head coach Steve Kerr is here with

his family.

I got to meet his son Nick, and I love Steve.

I like Nick.

But I wouldn't say I'm a Nick Kerr lover.

Seems besides the point, Colin, but sure.

Some psychologists say adults can reduce stress

by returning to a childhood hobby, which is why I returned to

my favorite childhood hobby, topping off priests with my

pretty little mouth.

Speaking of which...

Lorne, I'll do anything to run this show.

We do not know what I'm about to say.

I'm telling jokes today.