Comedy Show Banter and Jokes

May God grant your every rightful wish. Just fulfill one of my improper wishes.

Then.

What did I say? I won't be able to stay quiet on this show.

No, no.

I've been tongue-tied ever since I saw you.

Believe me, I was thinking what to say, but I've gone completely numb.

Yes, he came in acting like a big lion, little by little.

After that, now even his legs

have gone up.

Anyway.

After a while, halfway through the show, I'll put the pillow here. Okay, I don't know, look, the thing is,

you're very nice.

Fine, keep the pillow right here. Don't put it on my face.

Yes, I won't put it on your face. I think you might put it on mine.

Okay.

Man, they show that in movies.

Man, they, they kill—

they kill.

They kill.

Yes, they kill.

What I put on you would kill you too.

Do you want to kill me?

No, no, no, no.

I want to see you. Stay happy, keep smiling like this, and always yours,

I get a positive vibe from you.

It’s a vibe, not a wife.

Yes, but to me, she’s a wife.

But there are many poor bachelors, you know, who are hung up on wives.

Yes.

Somehow, a wife should come along.

Yes.

So why doesn’t one come along? Any issue?

No, the issue is such.

Like an elephant.

It’s been a very, very long time.

It’s been ages.

No one has kneaded my, my brain.

Meaning, I haven’t had a massage.

The kind of massage you’re thinking of is fine too, because the body needs a massage,

too.

Anyway, what are you people doing today?

Give us a chance.

No, listen—

It’s nothing like that. Like, what work are you doing?

Work, we’re talking about work. What you’re thinking

is fine too.

Tell us, what shows are you doing?

For one, we’re doing the show Ji Sarkar, Noman Ejaz Sahib.

You appeared in that too.

You came too.

Yes, yes.

That's our show. We've written a film, we've given it to a gentleman.

Focus.

Yeah, don't know when that'll happen.

It's an English film. Are you both acting in it?

Why can't we find fathers like the ones in old movies?

Here, take a blank check and get out of my daughter's life. Where do you find dads like that?

Yeah.

Hey, these directors who make horror movies.

Yeah, yeah.

All those directors who make old horror movies, why don't they oil the doors?

Every door makes a noise.

They put their feet somewhere else, right?

Don't tell me where now. I liked it.

In things, bro.

Even if you tell us where, don't get it applied.

Yeah. I don't understand this. These, those horror movies, scary

movies. The girl in them, the heroine.

Yeah.

She corners the guy. She sings all night, wears him out, then kills him in the morning

after dawn. Why?

Yeah, yeah.

Why doesn't she kill him at night?

Yeah.

And in old films, you'll see the heroine, after drinking all that poison, she'll perform

an entire song, then die.

Yeah.

Bro, you've drunk poison, die, but you have to perform the whole song before dying.

No, so she can get paid.

Yeah. When was the last time you gave a performance? When was it?

Sister-in-law will tell you that.

What show? You do stand-up comedy, right?

I mean, for stand-up comedy, half an hour is enough. Then you have to sit and

do it. What you're thinking is fine too.

Yes, then there are lots of sounds, right?

Whose? The audience's?

The audience's.

Okay, okay. I remember Mathura once wore a T-shirt

On his T-shirt,

there was an airplane, right? So I kept staring at the airplane, staring at it. I...

Mathira says, "Prakrit, you've never seen an aeroplane." I said, "An aeroplane…

I have,

but I've never seen an airport like this."

Do you remember?

Anyway, one word. Now we'll do a segment. Whatever comes to your minds,

you have to say it first. Waqar Zaka.

Snake.

Kiss.

Kiss, yes. Shakeel Siddiqui.

Oh, matchstick.

Matchstick?

Yes. That's kind of his famous thing, isn't it?

Sahir Lodhi.

Why did you make a goat sound? Now it's your turn, Firdous Ashiq

Awan.

Oh, bodybuilder.

Fighter.

Man, she's got so much swag.

Yes.

I mean, wow.

Very much.

The slaps she gave someone were next level for me.

She's got powerful hands. She eats well.

Wasim Akram.

Oh, amazing, fit.

Nasir Khan Jan.

Oh, who's that?

You don't know Nasir Khan Jan? The one who inflates balloons at home.

Oh, okay, okay, okay.

His "oh."

He inflates them himself and pops them himself.

Yes. He pops them himself.

Yes.

Really?

Yes. Nasir Khan Jan, that one, right?

Yes, the fair-skinned one.

Bro, he’s the one who became famous for blowing up balloons and popping them.

There was water in it. I don’t know

what it was.

Mustafa Kamal.

That’s amazing.

Truly amazing.

Amazing, just amazing.

Amazing, just amazing. If you became an actress for a day

who would you be, and what would you do?

I'd become Sunny Leone.

I'd get rich in one day.

Why?

That one day would just have to be a Saturday. Any day.