Crude Football Tour Anecdote and a Conversation About Childbirth

I have to go to the berth, can you imagine how grim that'll be?

Watching that baby getting squeezed out of her arse.

Right, I've got some-

I fucked a Dutch girl.

Bollocks, never been to Holland.

Yeah, I have.

It was the West Ham under-13s football tour.

Oh, right, and what did she do to you when you were 12 that was so filthy?

Give you a blowjob in a windmill?

Wank you off with clogs?

Nah, look, it was properly filthy.

That- I shouldn't tell.

Try us.

Alright.

Well, when I fingered her, she shit down my arm.

Should we go and look where I sleep?