English transcript

Did you know your cat doesn't see you as its owner?

If you think your cat sees you as a master, or even a servant, you're totally wrong.

In your cat's eyes, you're just a giant, slightly weird cat.

It doesn't understand human behavior.

Instead, it sees everything you do as something a cat would do, just in the strangest way possible.

For example, when your cat wakes you up at 5 a.m. by sitting on your face,

it's not being annoying.

Okay, maybe a little.

But in its mind, it's saying,

hey, it's hunting time.

Get up, lazy cat.

Cats naturally hunt at dawn, so your sleep schedule means nothing to them.

And when you leave for work or school, your cat doesn't think,

oh, my human is going to earn money.

Nope.

It thinks you're off on a hunting trip.

And when you come back with bags of groceries, in your cat's mind, you are the best hunter ever.

Like, wow, you caught so much food, and it's already dead.

Amazing.

But here's the trick.

If you want your cat to really respect you, do this.

When you come home, pull out a snack from your bag and give it to your cat.

To your cat, this isn't just a treat.

It's proof that you're a skilled, generous hunter.

And if you ever stay away too long, your cat doesn't think,

oh, my human is busy.

No, it thinks you've been attacked by a bigger animal and probably didn't survive.

So when you come back, don't be surprised if your cat looks at you like,

you're alive?

How?

What kind of crazy adventure did you go on?

Now, next time your cat does something weird, just remember.

It thinks you're a cat too.

Just a really weird, slow, and slightly clueless one.