English → Arabic transcript

Welcome! How are you? Do I close the door? Close the door! Close the door! Get yourself comfortable! Let's get warm in here!

Let's welcome the Parked Up Pundits, my new podcast! Oh my gosh, this is beautiful mate! Do you like the car? Some sub that you've got round here, what goes on? Yeah, not a lot, not a lot.

Salutation! How are you? So you see, I'm going to ask you about the best player, and then I'm going to ask you about the hardest player. Okay.

Because I think you're a bit of a hard one. I think you can handle yourself in the scrap. I absolutely can do, I think so. I think I've got hands on me, Guy. Okay, well let's see.

Who would you beat in a fight? Would you beat, you've got an Arsenal top one? I absolutely do. Kiokeres? Oh, Kiokeres!

He's been compared to Brock Lesnar, not just in the way he plays, but the way he looks. Yeah, yeah. So it might go to the scorecards. Yeah, okay.

I think I'll win it. Virgil van Dijk? Virgil van Dijk, he would lay me out flat on the ground. You think? I don't have a chance, mate.

Honestly, I think he'd paint the wall. Are you backing me? It's van Dijk. Yeah, yeah. He's about 6 foot 93. I think he'd paint the wall with my head.

Okay. What about Erling Haaland? Erling Haaland? I don't know. I feel like he's lean, he's tall,

but he doesn't strike me as a man that's got punch power. You think you'd beat him in a scrap? So I reckon just one dodge, and if I get a sweet one to the nose, he's toast.

He's toast? I think so, yeah. 6 feet under? Yeah, I think so, mate. I'd just bury him.

What age are you? Oh, I'm 23, mate. So you're younger than him, probably? I think I'm like a year. It seems to be dodge, duck, dip.

So I've got the youth on him, is what I'm saying. I've got the youth. I could just get under, over and under me. Have you seen the neck move, really? Are you all right?

What the? What the? What the way? What the? Oh my gosh.

Are you all right? You beat him in a scrap? Wait, what is it? What the way? What are you talking about?

LMA. He's given the message. I ain't got me gloves on, man. I ain't got no gloves on me. Erling.

You know what I call you? I call you Erlingy. Erlingy. Lingy, Lingy. You're having a scrap of it, famo?

You're going to be famous now, I tell you that. I'm going to be famous. I'm here with Lingy. Give me a hug over the seat, mate. Give me a hug over the seat.

Oh my God. All right, man. We'll see you soon. Goodbye. Be quiet out there.

All the best to you. Lingy. You're a famous boy. I'm a famous boy. Go get it.

Go on in. Do you have 15 quid? You know what? Keep your money. That's fine.

I've been doing a lot of work with the likes of Man City. And stuff like that. I want to ask you how that makes you feel? Disgusted. Yeah?

Well, it's obviously understandable. But, like, it's very difficult to see someone who you've tried to rear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And really bring into the world. And then they just tear your heart apart.

Do you hate, like, City more? Or, like, Arsenal? Or, like, Liverpool? I would say City at the moment. Yeah?

Why? Just because they're so good. Yeah? You know, it's like, once you watch them, they're just amazing. Do you not think they've just bought the league?

No. A little bit. But they've bought a lot of players who are class. Yeah. For a lot less money than Man United bought players for.

Yeah. You know, Man United bought some players who are stinkers. Yeah. For a lot of money. So it made a lot of sense.

Their model is still better. Yeah. And everything around the ground is amazing. Yeah. You know, United is still a fair bit behind now.

Yeah. Maybe it's a bit of a controversial one. But I think, like, I hate their attitude. They're so arrogant. Like, you see Haaland on the pitch?

He drives me mad. Oh, that look that he had after the Arsenal match. What one? He was just looking down the camera as if they'd won the league. Yeah, yeah.

It's just, oh. But he's so good. Yeah. He's a savage. He's a great player, but he's a man.

He's a man. Yeah? Yeah. I think he's a bit of a melter. He is a bit of a melter.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he is. You're doing our heads in, aren't you? Oi!

Oi! Are you all right? You resisted an event? Yeah, yeah. He's a bit.

The way he looked at it. I agree with it. I agree. You resisted that well. I tried to send you up.

And you're like buddies with me, isn't it? I was waiting for you to absolutely hammer me. I thought you didn't like me. United fans. You're all right.

Well, thanks for coming on. Nice to meet you, mate. You too. You're a United fan. I think for me, just to go straight on,

top of the list for lazy players in the league, and this is semi-controversial, I always come to Erling Haaland. Okay. I think he's just a poacher.

I think he's a stat patter. I think he's out to get goals. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Do you agree?

Yeah, I think he doesn't have to run a lot, does he? Maybe a few sprints. But don't you think he should just run more, then? Yeah, yeah. I think he's a big fat guy.

Is he too heavy, maybe? Yeah, I don't know. He's a fit guy. I mean, I think the average footballer runs, is it 10 to 12k a game?

He probably runs four if he's lucky. I just think the guy just hangs on the halfway line and breaks every so often. Yeah. Taps it in, does his little celebration,

doing yoga or whatever. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. He fries me. Yeah, he's not at the back, is he?

Slagging him off. No, no, no, no. Yeah, no, but I know what you mean, I think, from my point of view. Can you imagine that?

That's right, by the way. That's a video idea. I don't know, imagine that. I don't know, from my point of view, I think I much prefer sort of athletic players

that just run it like Kansei. Something like a Kansei was pretty cool. Yeah. Someone just didn't stop. Is there anyone else you'd call like a slacker?

Or anyone else in the league who's particularly, I don't know, anyone in the league who's like even worse than Haaland? Probably not. I just think he poaches too much.

Do you know what? If I had a bit more time, I could probably think, but players that are a bit lazy, I don't know. I don't think it gets worse, mate. Yeah, I'd go for Haaland, possibly.

Yeah? Yeah. Laziest in the league? I don't know, possibly. There's probably a few more, I can't think.

I can't think. What do you make of that? Are you all right? Am I the laziest in the league? Are you winding me up or what?

Are you all right? Well, I did say there was other people. Am I the laziest in the league? I'm not f***ing having that! I'm not f***ing having that!

What did you just say? He's not on the back, is he, for a wind-up? Are you all right? Are you all right? You think I'm the laziest?

If you mean it, hand on heart, that I'm the laziest in the league, I'm walking off this episode here now. I'm sat here, morbidly obese, going like, yeah, Haaland's too heavy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, man. I call him yes, man. Yes, yes, he's lazy. Yes, yes, yes. He don't run. There you are.

How you doing, mate? You good? I tell you what, I actually think I run a lot. Do you? Yeah, I was saying to John, I think in the film... What are your numbers saying?

See, you're the last lad to come in. Everyone, he's been like, get them at me, go at me hard. That's why I've been here, shitting on him for an hour.

I think you're putting the answer in my head. And that's why, if you went, who's the laziest, I probably wouldn't have said you, because he's like, yeah, possibly.

He said I was the laziest in the league. He's backtracking, backtracking. Right, man, thanks. No worries, take care. Nice to meet you, man.

Cheers. Laziest in the league. I need to get a trophy, laziest in the league. Easy.

I'll get you one. You went in his head. You just put answers and he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.