Transcript · English → Chinese
Concerns About AirPods and Health Risks
我当时在拉古纳， 坐在海滩上。
我看到海滩上走过的每个人 都戴着AirPods。
AirPods深深地塞在他们的耳朵里。
未来五到 即将爆发的脑癌数量，
10年里，这么多人戴着AirPods 把微波深深塞进
耳朵里，微波辐射大脑皮层两侧， 仔细想想
真是太疯狂了。
我是说， 你可以想想那些
这里长了肿瘤的篮球运动员，
还有这里长了肿瘤的总统们， 因为他们过去总是把手机贴在
耳朵上，他们长了肿瘤， 不得不从
他们的
脸上切除。 你完全可以想象AirPods
会对两侧
脸部造成什么影响。我看着这些人， 他们觉得自己就像詹姆斯·邦德，你
你知道，在飞机上， 或者他们觉得自己就像
漫步在海滩上，然后
对着手机说话， 对着手腕说话
诸如此类的事。
你这是在微波烘烤自己。 所有这些技术都是在
塑料假人身上测试的， 就为了告诉你它很安全。
所以当有人说：“好吧， 我戴上AirPods也没造成任何
伤害啊，”
这确实只是在塑料假人上测试过， 好告诉你它是安全的，
而你却在微波烘烤自己的脑壳内部。
所以如果你认识戴那种AirPods的人， 把它们拿走扔进垃圾桶。
如果他们想用， 就给他们买副有线耳机，
或者干脆
完全别用。你完全可以漫步沙滩…… 只听听
海浪声，好好享受美好时光。
我在那儿游泳。 我在那儿举铁、跑步，
样样都来，整套全做。
东西。你不需要AirPods。人们 就像《机器人总动员》里一样。
他们戴着AirPods，戴着眼镜， 拿着手机，戴着手表，
拿着
平板电脑。还有别的设备。 很快他们就会戴上头盔。
他们会有，比如 脸上装着屏幕的头盔，
然后他们就能
像海豚一样晃着脸， 嘴里念着：“啵、啵、啵、
啵。”就像这样。
然后他们发出音效， 好让那——
好让那玩意儿上下
滚动。这简直……你—— 你早晚会需要那个头盔。
太疯狂了。有人说：“好吧， 我会去跟我家孩子说。
天呐，他们快把我逼疯了。”对， 直接把东西收走。
如果你是家长，直接没收。 说实话，直接用锤子砸烂。
要是我看到哪个小孩，或我认识的 哪个亲戚戴着AirPods，我
我会把它们拿过来， 放在这个杯子上，
然后用锤子砸个稀烂。
我会说：“你就得这么做。
你要去倾听大自然的声音， 根本不需要戴什么AirPods。”
这才是
我们需要的。这就是我们需要的。 我意识到，我们需要更多的霸凌。
这种情况太多了。 我在飞机上看到一个小孩，
绝不开玩笑，
戴着耳机玩着平板， 活像个僵尸。
当他下了飞机把所有东西都摘下时， 他就只是像在念叨
莫名其妙的词， 完全无法与人沟通或做别的任何事。
我们正在把孩子 变成残废的物种。
这是最贴切的描述了。
真的，我们必须停止这样下去
End of transcript · 533 words · machine translated
Original transcript (English)
I was in Laguna and I was sitting on the beach. I saw everybody with AirPods walking the beach. AirPods shoved all the way in their ears. The amount of brain cancer that is going to come down in the next five to 10 years from all these people with AirPods shoving these microwaves deep
into their ears and microwaving both sides of the cortex is crazy when you think about it. I mean, you can think of all the basketball players who have tumors right here, the presidents who have tumors right here because they used to put the phone up
to their ear, and they have a tumor that they have to cut out of the side of their face. You can only imagine what AirPods are going to do to both sides of the face. And I see all these people, they think they're like James Bond, you
know, on the airplane, or they think they're, like, walking down the beach and talking to their phone and talking to their wrist and whatever else. You're microwaving yourself. All of the technology was tested on a
plastic dummy to tell you that it was safe. So when people go, "Well, I put AirPods in and they don't do any damage," it's literally tested on a plastic dummy to tell you that it's safe as you microwave the inside of your skull.
So if you know anybody with those AirPods, take them and throw them in the garbage. Get them some wired headphones if they wanna use them, or just don't use them at all. You can easily walk the beach and s- and just listen to the waves and just have a good old time.
I was out there swimming. I was out there lifting, running, everything, the whole thing. You don't need AirPods. People are like WALL-E. They got AirPods, they got glasses, they got a phone, they got a watch, they got a
tablet. They got another device. Soon they'll wear a helmet. They'll have, like, a helmet with their screen on their face and then they can just move their face like a dolphin and be like, "Bop, bop, bop, bop." Like this.
And then they'll make sound effects so they can make the f- the thing scroll up and down. Like, it just, it's... Y- you're gonna need that helmet. It's crazy. Somebody said, "Well, I'll tell that to my kids. Oh my God, they drive me crazy." Yeah, just take them away.
If you're the parent, take them away. Honestly, just smash them with a hammer. If I saw some kid or somebody I knew who was a family member with some AirPods, I would take them, I'd put them right on this cup, and I'd smash it with a hammer. And I'd say, "That's what you're gonna do.
You're gonna go listen to the nature, and you don't need to have AirPods." That's what we need. That's what we need. We need more bullying, I've realized. There's too much. I saw a kid sitting on the airplane, no joke,
with a tablet and headphones, and he was like a zombie. And when he took all the things off off the airplane, he just was, like, reciting random words and completely could not communicate or anything else. We are turning children into invalid species. That's the best way to describe it.
And it just, we just gotta stop
