Critique of Argentine Football Team

I hate the Argentine football team, they are the most despicable, time-wasting, cheating,

cynical, nasty shit-cunts that have ever existed.

The New Zealand Rugby Union team, possibly the greatest rugby union team of all time,

the New Zealand All Blacks, have a policy called the No Dickheads policy.

And that works like this, if they think you're a dickhead, regardless of your talent, you

will never ever put on the All Blacks shirt and play for the All Blacks.

You will get kicked out.

Whereas Argentina have a policy called the All Dickhead policy.

Which is, the only way you get to play for Argentina is if you're a massive bellend.

So you just have to look at their behaviour, the cynicism, the nastiness, the kicking,

the persistent fouling.

The moment you touch them, they throw themselves to the ground like they've actually just been

shot.

The moment that you touch Messi, there's about 10 of them that just come flooding round

and shouting and screaming.

I don't know, like he's some just disabled child who's in a wheelchair and you've just

kicked him into a canal and everybody's had a meltdown, like suddenly you're the bad guy.

Instead of him just being a socially awkward, inept dwarf.

Who's brilliant at football and that's about it and yet you you're not allowed to challenge him

This is what these people are and for those of you think it's sour grapes

Yeah, possibly it's sour grapes, but I don't care. It's my show and this is more important than this and I'll tell you why

I'm half South American Venezuelan. Everyone could drink right? I grew up

I spent a lot of time in South America and Venezuela and I love football

I've always loved football since it before it was cool since I was eight years old 1990

And I used to watch football in

South America in Venezuela and in Venezuela

Who've got rubbish football team, but they beat their baseball nation

And by the way, they beat America the United States of baseball in a series of three, so they're great at their own sport

Obviously, it's not real sport. No one

Anyway, but they like it fair play whatever

But when the World Cup's on and there's a South American team play I'm talking about. I don't know Brazil Colombia

Bolivia Peru

Everybody will sit down and watch the game and they'll cheer on the South American teams. They will always do that

They'll always cheer them on

The only one they won't cheer on are that's right the Argentines. Why is that because everybody hates them?

You know how everybody hates them because of the nickname that they're given.

You know what we call the Argentines in South America?

The English of South America.

That's how you know they're hated.

They are the worst.

They are the worst team.

The thing that makes it so egregious is their team is filled with incredibly talented footballers.

They don't have to behave the way that they do.

But they behave the way that they do because they're Cubs.

That's why they behave like that.

They don't have to.

They don't need to do that in order to win.

They do that because that's who they are.

There's a very famous joke in Venezuela which talks about the arrogance of the Argentine.

And it goes like this.

An Argentine man goes to the bar and he's drunk.

And he gets absolutely plastered.

And he meets a guy at a bar and he's obviously arrogant like most Argies are.

And he puts his arm around him and he goes,

Right, you're going to come home with me.

I have the best house in the whole town.

I have the most beautiful wife.

You are going to see.

Fe has effaith yn mynelol â'r materiaethau lle hunanfodol.

Mae'n cael ei ddefnyddio yn y teimladau romaidd, ond mae wedi'i ddod yn ôl ac mae ar hyn o bryd mewn fy nghyfnod.

Mae'n hollbwysig.

Mae'n ei ddod i'r ystafell.

Ac mae ei ffrind yn yno, yn cael ei ddod yn ôl.

Ac mae'r dynion yn edrych ymlaen, yn edrych ar yr Argentin.

Mae'r Argentin yn edrych ar y dyn sy'n ychwanegu'i ffrind, yn edrych ar y dyn a'i ddweud,

Ac mae'n gweithio yn orffen.

you see that Man over there?

That is me.

And that is the Argentine mentality So equipped with everything faculty needs Argentine

my friends a terrible country full material there

a terrible country filled with terrible people who

I'm just going to say it

A nation of cheats Maradona

right the way through.

Every time they cheat, lie,

in order to get what they want.

And I never thought I'd say these words as an Englishman.

Viva España.

Viva los conquistadores, the colonializers,

the colonizers, yeah?

I'm saying that as a Venezuelan

who got colonized by the Spanish.

On Sunday, I am pro-colonization.

Let's take back what is ours.

La Copa Mundial.