Exploring Jewish Identity and Conversion

And I

found out that I was not halakhically Jewish,

which was a huge shock to me, and then the final verdict came in

that was like,

"No, you are not halakhically Jewish." That

was devastating.

Oh my gosh, I, like, cried for three months. It was horrible.

Were you sad? Were you mad? All the above?

All of the above.

Mm-hmm.

Like, I was angry.

I felt lied to, not really by my parents, just by, like-

Sure

... the world. I felt lied to and just heartbroken, and

Judaism was the part of my identity that I always felt solid in.

I, I had been so lost on so many other parts

of my life throughout my life, but I

always felt like I'm Jewish. That's the thing I can hold on to,

and then all of a

sudden it's like, "By the way, you're not," and I was like, "Whoa,

what do

you mean the biggest part of my identity is just out the window?" In the end,

conversion ended up being a huge bracha for me because I got a very clear

path of what I need to do, what I need to learn.

So in the end, I'm actually very grateful

that it happened, and I think it was a

very,

very difficult experience. It's the hardest thing I've ever done,

but the most

rewarding thing I've ever done, too, so.