Stalin and Mao's Dark Comedy Skit About Gulags and Fried Rice

If no one told you life was gonna be this way.

Hey, Joseph.

What are you doing? Making a list of guys I gotta send to the gulag. Some guy made fun of my mustache.

The mustache is sacred. Hang him.

You know what? Forget it. I'm just executing everybody.

What are you making us? Well, today I sat in on a torture session with a guy we suspected of being a capitalist. He didn't crack, but he gave me a great Cantonese fried rice recipe.

Don't put too many peas in it then. They make me fart.

I know. Last time I thought we were getting bombed.

Hey, comrades.

Are you guys making food?

Not for you, gray beard. Oh, come on, man. Famine is for the people, not for us.

Wait, I'll go tell the others.

Hey, guys. Not now, man.

I won, you .

Call me that again and I'll shoot you.

Yeah, you say that every time. What's up, gray beard?

Cantonese fried rice. Mao's making it. You in?

Yeah, definitely. I spent all day torturing homosexuals.

Opened right up an appetite. Really delicious, this recipe. Almost made torturing that guy worth it.

Are we expecting anyone?

Gutentag.

That was my ex.