Coach Mocks Knife-Wielding Youths and Discovers Viral Fight Video

Oi. What, you want it all back round then?

Boss, let me get two burgers on a stick.

Get that quick, understand? Two chips as well.

Two chips. Get him. Get him. Why does it smell of wee in here?

The fuck is this joke, man? Don't stand near me, son.

You got your mouthwash muddled up with cat piss.

Take two steps back and wait your turn.

Yeah, fuck off, old man, or I'll wet you.

The only thing you can wet are your underpants, son. Now, back two steps.

Trigger. Yes. Go on. It's you. You're up.

Go on. You're up. Do him. Shift him, bro.

Yeah. Come on. Fucking do him. Stab him.

Fucking do him. Fuck. Hey, like, fuck. Now, if you're gonna stab, stab, Trigger. Don't, you know, dance.

What are yous, like a Four Tops tribute act or something?

The Four Skins. The Redskins. Whoa, whoa, whoa, here come the Indians.

Bit of the old Northern Soul, is it, boys?

Putting the gay back in Marvin Gaye. I'm on fire over here, lads.

Come on, I need some back and forth. Come on. What have you got for me?

What have you got for me? Now, make it quick. Make it funny.

Fuck you. Jeez, that's disappointing. No, no, not that. Go again.

Go again. Now, make it sharp. Cut me with it.

Fucking do him, lad. Come on. You fucking do him.

Go on. I'm fucking doing him. Yeah. Come on.

Fuck. Oh, shit. Come on, then, you dickhead.

Ah. Get back to work. Oh, shit, my eyes.

What the fuck, man? Yous are embarrassing yourself here, lads.

Kids stab, girls shoot, boys punch. Grownups fight with their heads. That's where the real battle is, up here, in the gray.

He's fucked me up, bro. Now, wake up, lads. Life's quick. You're slow.

Life's harder than a bone top. Come on down the gym. We'll see what we can do with yous.

Hang on. Are you the coach?

Coach, it's Ernie. Fuck. Shit, shit, shit, it's the fucking coach, bro.

It's the fucking coach. Ernie, what is it?

Shit. Ball's in the back of the net. We've rung the bell here, and we're gonna include yous, because you're our mentor.

Well, I don't know what you're talking about, but I don't like the sound of it.

We've landed a load of sticky bush. You listen to me now, Ernie.

Walk away. It's too late. We're at the gym now, unloading the van.

You took my van? Wait there. I'll be back in 10 minutes.

Be sure you get the upper cut in. Thanks, coach.

Is that what I think it is? Yeah, but the best version of it.

Tell me you didn't put that fight porn online.

It's white hot, coach. They're hits. It's gone intergalactic.

What was I thinking, leaving you kids alone unsupervised?