Interview with Comedic Banter

Don't, don't put this on camera.

My eyes are so sweaty right now.

It's like dripping, like, all the way down to the back of my knees.

Look at those.

See, the only thing that could cool me off right now is to, like, jump naked into a pool.

It's so fucking hot.

What? Are you...

Are you asking me to go with you?

Where?

The naked pool.

Did I ask you about the gorgonzola?

Yes, you asked me about the gorgonzola!

Just because you get it a lot doesn't mean the audience at home has not thought about it.

That was, like, that was, like, the cornerstone of the whole interview,

was you just thought, oh, I'll just mention other cheeses.

Like, that was it. That was as far as it went.

It was just like, oh, well, you thought gorgonzola, and then you're just like, that's good.

No, no, some of the art of interviewing people is to make them feel comfortable.

If I'm doing a nice, light...

But I don't feel comfortable. I still don't feel comfortable.

Do you think people focus maybe too much on your looks

and don't even, you know, realize that you're just a shitty actor?

You have, uh, red hair, and, um...

Yes, I do. I do.

Guess what they used to call me in high school.

Cinnamon Muff.

No, they didn't call me Cinnamon Muff.

What did they call you? Firecrouch?

No, Strawberry Shortcake, Small Child's Doll.

You know, uh, I find you to be a wonderful actress, and I...

Thank you.

Why don't you join the Boy Scouts or something

if you want to be a part of something?

I want to be a part of this community.

I found, like, a fellow person that I fucking love.

I used to go see your stand-up all the time, and...

It doesn't really play well. You know what I mean?

No, I...

You're this victim card that you pull...

I'm not being a victim.

Well, what are you being?

I'm friends. That's what friends do.

You fight with your brother.

I watch you fight with your brother all the time.

Yeah, you know, I can't bring that up right now

on this Internet show.

My, my, my...

God, all you fucking care about is your goddamn show, man.

No, but all you care about is ASA's telling people...

It's like all your fucking ferns, man.

It's a fucking joke.

I can't stand it.

You threw my ferns at my face!

Who gives a fuck?

You care more about your ferns or yourself, you fucking...