Time Traveler Confronts Hitler

Sehr gut. Sehr gut.

I'm a time traveler from the year 2025, and I've come here

to kill you, Hitler.

Oh, not again.

I'm never gonna have enough time to finish these paintings with all of these time

travelers trying to kill me.

Well, I'm going to succeed.

Before you pull the trigger, can I just ask why?

Why do all of you people want to kill me?

Isn't it obvious? I'm a progressive, a liberal,

a fighter for social justice, and you

are a fascist who implemented a reign of terror.

And while the effects of your policies devastated the world for decades,

soon we will be able to take back the White House, and we will be

able to use the government to force people to follow our great ideas.

You want to use government power to force your ideas on the

populace?

Me too.

That's fantastic.

What? No, no. Ugh.

You and I have nothing in common. What I'm saying is there are people in our

time with dangerous ideas and we need to silence them.

Silencing those who disagree with you.

I do that, too.

How wunderbar.

Ah, the Nazi movement will not die with me.

Don't give me that. I'm enlightened, and you're as bad as...

Well,

as Hitler.

Listen, what I'm trying to say is we are very close

to implementing a utopia, as long as we can get rid of some certain

undesirable people groups.

Yes, likes the Jews.

Yes, like the Jews. Oh.

So in the future-

Oh.

... you also do not like the Jews?

Well,

no. But we don't believe in segregating all

the races like you

do. I mean, except for, like, graduation ceremonies,

and dorms,

and hiring practices.

Oh, a- and admissions policies. That sort of thing.

I, too, am a fan of the segregation.

I, I'm sorry, I have to ask, is this a real firearm, or is this some

kind of, uh, toy for, uh, for kids?

It's a flare gun. I'm trying not to support America's toxic

gun

culture. I'm a firm believer in gun control.

Gun control.

This was one of my ideas, too. Ban them from

the undesirables. Yes, look here.

Oh, oh, oh, and your, uh, your shirt.

This is, uh, an organization, uh, founded by Margaret

Sanger. Yes.

Wait, you know about Margaret Sanger?

Ja, wohl. Of course. Oh, she's

such a lovely person.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. She's a fighter for reproductive rights,

for women's empowerment, and-

And the eradication of undesirable populations by means of

eugenics. Brilliant lady. Very inspiring.

I must use some of her ideas in our

socialized healthcare system.

Socialized healthcare? That's not your thing. That's,

that's our thing.

Oh, no, it's very much my thing. Did you know that Nazi

means National Socialist German Workers' Party?

Nazi is just, uh, more catchy. Nazi, Nazi, Nazi, Nazi, Nazi.

Just rolls off the tongue.

No,

this can't be true.

This has to be some sort of mistake. We are nothing alike.

You're Adolf Hitler, evil right-wing fascist dictator,

and I'm a feminist

restorative justice advocate and a vegetarian.

You're a vegetarian?

Me too.

Okay, I am

so confused right now. I, I came here with a clear goal in mind

to kill the most evil man to have ever lived,

besides Ronald Reagan.

But now that I'm meeting you in person,

you're not at all what I thought you were.

And your painting is actually really good.

What do you call it?

I call it

Ein Reich ohne Juden.

Wow,

I don't know what that means, but it sounds beautiful.

It does,

doesn't it?