Stand-up Comedy on Politics and Communism

Hey, how's everybody doing tonight?

Damn,

there's a lot of people here.

I think I even saw Bernie Sanders back there.

Bernie's actually a really good friend of mine.

An old friend.

A very, very old friend.

Like,

really old.

Every time we grab a drink together, I really try to enjoy it

because the guy always looks like he's about two seconds away from dropping

dead.

Looks like there are quite a few French people here too.

I'm not surprised.

France is basically a communist theme park.

Have you seen the taxes over there?

Even I'm shocked.

No, seriously, I'm not even kidding.

Over there, it starts the second you're born.

You're barely out of your mother's pussy, still covered in goo,

eyes barely open, and there's already a tax inspector

standing there waiting

for you.

"So, did you forget to pay the tax on your

amniotic

fluid?"

There is one thing France is still missing to become a truly great

communist

country.

One very important thing that I absolutely love,

the gulags.

Gulags are fun.

Way more fun than just executing people.

Now, executions are cool too when you're in a hurry.

They're quick, efficient,

but there's just not enough fun in it.

Honestly,

the look on a guy's face when he realizes he's in the truck headed

for the gulags,

man,

that almost gives me a fucking erection.

And wait, in my country, when we talk about gulags, we mean

Siberia. Cold, hard, brutal.

A man who survived the gulags could survive anything.

Even prison in El Salvador would feel like a spa retreat by

comparison.

Picture a gulag survivor in the showers of a Salvador prison.

First of all, they actually have showers.

In the gulags, you wash yourself with whatever disgusting

liquid is coming from the

guy in the next cell. So when things start getting dangerous in

that

shower, the guy just smiles. Hell, he practically drops the soap

himself. And besides, El Salvador is hot.

In Siberia, the cold kills you before the hunger does.

One time, a guard removed both frozen balls from a

prisoner,

and my daughter used them as ice cubes in her vodka Red Bull.

Yeah.

I'm very proud of my little girl. Oh, I know what some of you are thinking.

How come after all the horrors they committed, communists are

still allowed to exist?

Well,

I have to admit, we owe that one to my old buddy Adolf.

After him, anybody could massacre millions of people

without

automatically looking like the bad guy.

Pretty cool, right?

Just look at it.

Try walking down the street wearing a communist T-shirt.

Besides looking stylish, nobody's gonna give you any shit.

Now, try the same thing with a Nazi T-shirt.

Ten minutes later, the United Nations is already giving a speech demanding you

be

dragged before the International Criminal Court, and George Soros has

already put a dead or alive bounty on your head.

You're a communist, you can do whatever the hell you want

because you're doing it for the poor little people.

For example,

I spotted a few people in here who didn't laugh at my jokes.

You know where we should send them?

Oh yeah, you know.

Gulag.

Yeah.

Communism really is beautiful.