Critique of Woke Corporate Culture

When I grow up, I want to work for a woke company,

like super woke. When I grow up, I want to be hired based on what I look like, rather than my skills.

I want to be judged by my political beliefs.

I want to get promoted based on my chromosomes.

When I grow up, I want to be offended by my coworkers and walk around the office on eggshells.

And have my words policed by HR.

Words like grandfather, peanut gallery, long time no see, no can do.

When I grow up, I want to be obsessed with emotional safety and do workplace sensitivity training all day long.

When I grow up, I want to climb the corporate ladder, just by following the crowd.

I want to be a conformist.

I want to weaponize my pronouns.

What are pronouns?

It's time to grow up and get back to work.

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