A Satirical Talk with Russia About the Former Soviet Republics

It's high time you and I, Russia, had a heart-to-heart.

Exactly! So, Russia, let's hear it. Who owes whom what, and how, and what we have in common, apart from our borders, huh?

Come on, that's not fair of you. Not fair.

The customs deal worked out really well. What's the problem?

Two or three hundred well-off people won't hurt either you or us.

Yes, yes. Well, you don't like us Ukrainians, Russia.

You don't, that's right. And that's a shame.

Just go out onto Tverskaya Street and look.

There, besides us Ukrainians, there's no one else to love.

What's wrong with you?

And we, you could say, come to you with all our hearts.

Look how happy we were when Putin came to power.

Right? Of course. But we celebrated too soon.

Turns out he was a decent man. So, Russia, here's the deal: either we become friends— or lend us some more money. Sanya!

Sashka, why would you say that? We were classmates with them, you could say, You could say, from the same issue.

Come on, remember, remember our old school photo.

Oh! Here it is.

There it is! Look, Russia, that's you. You look good here, by the way. Huh?

Guys, listen, who's that next to you? Come on, how could you not know? That's Belarus.

Come on, remember, remember, you always also sat next to her at the same desk.

Russia, remember, she always copied everything from you.

Well, back then she copied everything from you, now you copy everything from her. Yeah, yeah.

There, there, Russia, there they are. And remember, Russia, those Caucasians, southerners, hot- blooded guys?

Good Lord! Oranges, mandarins, dear Lord!

Russia, how they courted you, huh! By the way, you know, I recently looked at your population census.

You definitely had something going on with them.

I suspected as much. And there, there—look at our fashionistas from the Baltics.

Well, remember, remember, they were always wearing foreign clothes.

Anyway, Russia, ours was a close-knit class, close-knit and tough.

The whole school was afraid of us back then.

Yeah! They say it right, the best years are school years.

Ah, guys, if only I had a huge dome, I'd take it and cover all of the CIS.

Why not? The circus, the circus must go on!