Speaking Powerfully Through Assertiveness

And so the key to speaking powerfully, ironically, is

don't be too polite.

Politeness is perceived as deference.

Politeness is a form of verbal ritual deference.

So assertiveness is the opposite of that, and power

is the opposite of that. One of the ways we show power

is by not showing verbal

deference, not being too polite. Uh,

so when you have s- a request to make or an offer to make or anything, we

have to say something, if you wanna be perceived as assertive

and powerful in a

situation, don't use too much politeness. Be direct.

Say it as directly as you possibly can.

That means no hedging, no indirectness, no beating around the bush,

no apologies. As direct as you possibly can.

Think about the thing you have to say and think about saying it as directly in

the

most unvarnished, unadorned way that you can.

Th- that is the most powerful way you can say

it because the less

politeness you use, the more powerful, the more

powerful you'll be perceived because people know the rule about power and

politeness, so when you refuse to use politeness,

people will assume you must

be a powerful person who doesn't need to use politeness.

Now, the only caveat I'll make about this is

if you're with someone who's genuinely

much more powerful than you, who is institutionally much more powerfully

than you,

like if you're in the military, I don't recommend doing this to your

superiors.

If you're in another situation where the other person is, is

institutionally and officially much more powerfully than you, more powerful than

you, you have to be careful about not showing

them profer-- proper deference.

But in situations where it's not clear who has the official power and you want to

assert your power, um, then do not

use verbal deference. That means don't be too polite.

Doesn't mean be rude or profane or obscene or

inappropriate. It just means no hedging, no indirectness, no beating

around the bush, no apologies. So try it.