Loving Jo While Disagreeing: Why Dialogue and Respect Matter

I really don't believe

that by

having had that experience and holding

the love and support and views that I have

mean that I can't and don't

treasure Jo

and the person that I,

that I had personal experiences with,

I will never believe that one negates

the other,

and that my experience of that person

I don't get to keep and cherish.

I-- to come back to our earlier thing, like, I just don't think these things are

either/or.

I think

it's my deepest wish that,

like I hope people who don't agree with my opinion will love me, and I hope

I can keep loving people who I don't necessarily share the same opinion with.

And I think

that's a very, very important

way for me that I need to be able to move through

life.

Mm-hmm.

I just

really... I guess I--

to circle back around, I really do

believe in

having

conversations, and that those are really important,

and that

I don't know.

I guess where I've landed is

it's not so much what we say or what we believe,

but very often how we say it that's really important, and

that's really frustrating and not what you want to hear

when you're really angry

and upset with someone.

Um,

but I don't know. I just see this

world right now where we seem to be

giving permission for this kind of like

throwing out of people or that people are disposable, and

I, I just think that's

-- I will always think that's wrong.

I, I always -- I just believe that

n-no one is,

no one, no one's disposable.

Mm-hmm.

And everyone, as far as possible,

whatever the conversation is, should and can be treated with,

at the very least, dignity and respect.

Mm-hmm. Thank you for challenging us and- ...

pushing it. Yeah, it, it takes a lot to...

I think that's what we're all being challenged to do is try

and hold two truths at

once and-

Yes

... those two truths don't have to be

complementary, but they-

Kind of

... they can stand at the same time.

Can honor.

Yeah.

I think the thing I'm most upset about is that

a conversation was never made possible.

So you remain open

for that dialogue.

Yeah, and I always will. I believe in that.

I believe in that completely.

Um,

I believe in that completely.

Mm-hmm.

I just don't,

yeah, I just don't want

to say anything that, like, continues to weaponize a really, like,

toxic debate and

conversation.

Mm-hmm.

Which is

maybe why I, I don't...

Well, it is why I don't comment or, like, continue to

comment.

Yeah.

Not because I don't care about her or about the issue, but because I

just, the way that the conversation is being had-

Yeah

... feels really painful to me.

And so

that's why,

that's why that decision.

Yeah. I really, I really appreciate that mindset and

deeply, deeply feel like

if people are challenged to go there themselves-

Mm-hmm

... like, it takes a lot to think that way-

Yes

... and feel that way.

Yes.

But it's, it's what, it's what healing really requires across,

you know,

around the world, and I can't imagine how many young people

who look up to you and

people who look up to you will feel the same way to-

Mm-hmm

... to recognize that-

Yeah

... that's how we engage.

Yeah.

That's what we look for. We-

Yeah

... it's, it's not that we're trying to make everything

pretty and perfect.

No, no.

It's, it's that-

No

... we're willing to engage in an

uncomfortable-

Yes

... conversation.

Yes. Her kindness and words of encouragement and that

steadfastness,

that...

And also, honestly, just as a young woman

to,

for her to have written that character, created that world,

given me an opportunity, which, to be honest, barely exists in the

history of English literature,

um, you know,

how can I-- there's just no world in which

I could ever cancel her out or cancel

that out

for anything. It, it has to remain true. It is true.

And this is where this, like, holding of these,

I just don't know what else to

do other than hold these two

seemingly incompatible things together at the same time and just

hope maybe they will one day resolve or, like, conjoin themselves and maybe

accept that they never will, but that they can both still be

true.

And

I can love her. I can know she loved me.

I can be grateful to her. I can know the things that she said

are true,

and

there can be this whole other thing.

And

my job feels like

to just hold,

just to hold all of it. But

the bigger thing is just

what she's done will never be taken away from me.