Stand-up Comedy Routine with Dark Humor

Tell me a joke.

Do you know Hitler killed six million Jews and three clowns?

Why the clown?

See, nobody cares about Jews.

emo virgin. Do you know that I sleep with my husband six times a

week?

Um, even I do it once a week.

Wait, but you don't have a husband.

Oh, I thought we were talking about your husband.

Why did God invent ?

Um, so would have someone to feel superior to.

My ex told all his friends I was terrible in bed.

Imagine his surprise when they all disagreed.

Why are all the Black people so fast at running?

Um, because the slow ones are in jail.

Why do they say gardeners have green thumbs when their thumbs aren't green?

It's just a saying. It's like when someone is caught stealing,

they say they've

been caught red-handed even though their hands are Black.

What do you do for a living, sir?

I treat patients who exhibit chronic political lying.

Oh, so you work for the Democrats.

Democrats are America first.

Now, that's pathological lying, sir.

Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?

Um, because he got caught drinking on the job.

What's the difference between an Indian and an Arab?

Um, one is responsible for 7-11 and one is responsible for 9/11.

What's the difference between Black people and snow tires?

Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them.

What's the difference between our dads' generation and our generation?

They had Wonder Woman, and we have to wonder if it's a woman.

Look at this Persian always complaining.

Guys, see I am not racist. In fact, I have some Black people in my family

tree.

Wait, how?

Matter of fact, they are still hanging there today.

Why does the Black family never have to worry about fuel prices?

Because it's always the police driving them.

Why do gays always have money?

Um, because they don't date women.

Do you know why a Black man always has red eyes after ?

Why?

'Cause it's the pepper spray.

Craziest thing you have ever done.

Um, I lost my virginity to a guy with Down

syndrome.

Why?

Because I wanted my first time to be special.

Do you know why Tarzan will always be White?

Why?

'Cause I know Disney don't have the to put a Black man acting like a monkey on

screen.

So you are feminist?

Yes, I am.

What is the difference between a feminist and a knife?

At least a knife has a point.

What?

What is the most savage thing you have done?

Um, one day I paid $10 for $100 item to a

transgender

cashier, and I said, "My $10 identifies as $100 note."