Ship Captain Boasts About His Unsinkable Vessel

It's a beautiful ship. It's very large. We like it large.

Uh, it's the biggest. It's an unsinkable ship, and they told me the coals smoldering along the forward bulkhead will not be a problem. We have many wealthy and high-class people aboard the ship, but, uh, when you go down to the lower decks, the quality of the people diminishes very

rapidly. This is J.D. McMaster, my first mate, and he's my underling, really. I call him my underling. J.D. is doing really well.

He's from Appalachia, so that's saying a lot.

So here we are on the, uh, deck. It's a moonless night, and we like it that way, actually.

The ship is in great shape. We've taken on a little water here and there, but it's not sinking. It's never sinking.

You son of a bitch!