Satirical Campaign Speech by President Camacho

What the hell is going on with this election?

I hear these candidates talking about jobs all the time.

Jobs this and jobs that.

I don't give a damn about no jobs.

People don't need no jobs.

I'm gonna tell you what people need, huh?

People need money. Lots and lots

of money.

That's why the only jobs I'm gonna create are gonna be down at the Mint.

That's right. We gonna print so much damn money,

I'm gonna give every

single American one million dollars.

Ain't gonna be no more one percenters.

Everybody's gonna be million percenters.

And then everybody gonna be rich, and nobody gonna have any more

problems. And you ain't gotta worry about no damn

healthcare or

nothing.

And then we gonna have a big-ass party

with all us millionaires.

Oh.

I'm President Camacho, and I approve this message.

I'm President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert

Camacho, and I've traveled back in time from the

future to address your ass.

What's with all these wars in the Middle East?

Who gives a fuck about the Middle East?

I don't even know where the Middle East is.

And neither do you.

Listen, I care about what's going on here.

When I'm president,

I'm gonna pull all the troops out the Middle East.

And then we gonna overthrow Mexico.

And when that's done, we gonna overthrow Canada.

And then we gonna overthrow Alaska.

'Cause I love me some king crab.

I'm President Camacho, and I approve this message