The Brady Bunch Episode Excerpt

Here's the story of a lovely lady

who was bringing up three very lovely girls.

All of them had hair of gold like their

mother, the youngest one in curls.

It's the story of a man named Brady

who was busy with three boys of his own.

They were four men living all together, yet

they were all alone. Till the one day

when the lady met this fellow and they knew that

it was much more than a hunch. That this

group must somehow form a family. That's the

way they all became the Brady Bunch.

The Brady Bunch. The Brady

Bunch. That's the way they

became the Brady Bunch.

Hi.

Peter,

what are you doing home from school?

They sent me home.

Measles.

It's either measles or a strange case of red freckles.

You have got a temperature.

They told me, 101.1. What's the record?

Nevermind. That's one record you don't wanna break.

Right. You don't get to hold the title very long.

Well, I think you better go upstairs and get into bed.

I'll phone the doctor and be right up.

Measles. Let's hope all the others don't start

coming down with it.

Oh, that would be terrible.

Right. As the warden of the state prison once

said, "I sure would hate to see them

all break out at once."

Oh.

No. Are you sure it's the measles?

Well, he's certainly got all the symptoms: a slight temperature, a lot of dots, and

a great big smile.

A great big smile?

No school for a few days.

Oh. Did you call the doctor?

Well, I've been trying to, honey, but the line's been busy.

Well, say hello to my dotted son for me.

Tell him I'll bring him some comic books, and I'll see you later, dear.

Okay, honey. Bye.

Oh, Alice, have you seen the thermometer?

Well, let's see. The last time I used it, it was in the roast beef.

Oh, you mean for people. I'll get it.

Hello? May I please speak to Dr. Porter?

Dr. Porter, this is Carol Brady. Uh, would you mind stopping by the

house? One of the kids was sent home from school with the

measles.

Yeah.

Thanks a lot. Jan,

you've got measles.

Golly, mothers are supposed to know everything,

but do you have to keep

proving it?

Well, you've got a temperature, too.

What do you mean, too?

Well, Peter was sent home from school a little

while ago.

Oh, what was his temperature?

101.1.

Oh, is that all? I'm 101.2.

And you get right into bed. Dr. Porter's on the way over.

Can I tell Peter he's a point behind me?

I'm sure he'd appreciate your sympathy. Now, into bed, Jan.

What is it?

Uh, I can't understand a word you're saying.

Wait till I get the thermometer on.

...

Five, four, three, two, and out.

What's a seven-letter word for drink?

Good. Hasn't gone up a bit.

I need a seven-letter word for drink.

Oh, seven-letter word for drink.

Mom, Mom.

I'll be right back.

Your mother's in the kitchen, sweetie, fixing that special milkshake you wanted.

Oh, yeah. See what I drew, Alice?

Oh, that's beautiful, Jan. Just beautiful.

Can you tell what it is?

Of course. It's a bird.

I don't mean that. I mean what kind of a bird.

Oh.

Alice.

Um,

I, uh, I promised Peter I'd help him.

Uh, let's see. A seven-letter word for drink.

I think I got it. Limeade.

That's seven letters.

It starts with an S.

Now you tell me.

Alice.

Um,

um, hey, uh, how, how about soda pop?

That's two words. Alice.

Be right back.

Eagle.

Hawk.

Vulture.

It's a swallow.

Of course. It's a swallow.

Alice.

Swallow.

I think I've got it.

Peter, you got your pencil ready?

Swallow.

I've got that one.

Hmm.

What's a five-letter word for exhausted?

Alice.

Uh, Dr. Cameron, this is Mike Brady. I've been wondering about Peter.

What do you mean wondering what? Didn't Carol call you?

Peter's got the measles.

Yeah, maybe you didn't get the message yet,

but I- I'd appreciate it if you'd drop

by the house and check him over.

Ah, thanks.

I'll see you there. Bye.

Dr. Porter, please come in.

How are you, Carol?

Oh, fine. I'm sure glad you got here so soon.

Now, not only Peter, but Jan has the measles.

That's pretty sneaky, trying to get two for the price of one.

Oh, I'll check her as soon as I finish with

Peter.

Oh, good. Will you tell Peter that I'll be right up?

I'm fixing something in the kitchen for Jan.

It's upstairs, right?

Yeah, the boys room. First room on the right.

Mm-hmm.

See you in a couple of minutes.

Mom!

But Peter, I am a doctor. I've always taken care of

your mother's girls.

Then you're a girls doctor.

No, I'm not. I take care of little boys, too.

I'm a big boy.

Mom, Mom.

What is it? What happened?

Come here.

Excuse me.

Mom, she's a woman. We go to Dr. Cameron, a guy.

But Peter, a doctor is a doctor. They don't take care of just boys or

girls, they take care of both.

Well, she's not gonna take care of me both.

Mom!

What is it?

Come quick.

Oh, what in the world...

Would you please explain it to him? Now Peter,

you're being very silly about this.

Mom.

Coming, coming.

Jan, what's, what's the matter?

Can't you see? There's a strange man in my room.

If you put one hand on this girl, I'll, I'll call the police.

Mrs. Brady, I presume.

Well, yeah, I think you presume too much, breaking and entering and frightening a

poor little girl. You better have a good explanation for

this.

Well, I think I have a rather good explanation.

You see, uh, I'm a pediatrician.

Then what are you doing here? I never heard of a doctor going door to

door.

Mrs. Brady,

I've been taking care of Mike's kids, well, from the time they were born.

He asked me to come over. Alice brought me up.

Oh, Doctor, I'm sorry. I

my face must be as red as her dots.

Well, he, uh, Mike didn't tell me that he phoned you, so naturally when I f-

I saw

a strange man, I...

How can I apologize?

You already have, very sweetly.

Well, uh, gee, I, I called Dr. Peter, uh, Porter.

Uh, she's in the room with Porter. Peter.

You mean Katherine Porter?

You know her?

No, but I've heard of her. She's an excellent doctor.

A girls doctor.

Why don't you just relax, Jan? Uh, uh, well, I'll go in and talk to Dr.

Porter. I, I'm sure I can just straighten this whole

thing out in a few minutes.

Meantime, Jan and I can get better acquainted