Royal Family Comedy Sketch

very much, and I'm honored to join the Windsor

family, Your

Majesty.

Beg your pardon, Prince William, telephone call for you.

Ah, well, I'll only be a moment. Do chat until I return.

Your Majesties, William and I have been walking on air.

It's all so brilliant and exciting.

Shut up.

What?

I said shut your mouth.

What do you want?

I'm sorry, Your Majesty. What, what do I want?

Is this what you want, yeah?

Right. You see our setup here, and you like it, yeah, little girl?

Yeah, what, a piece of our palace action, eh?

Uh-

What? You think you could just, like, show up and take over, yeah?

Do a bit of queening and that, right?

Uh, I beg your pardon, Your Majesty, but

why are you two talking like that?

This is how we really talk, love.

Not so nice, right?

But it gets the job done, don't it?

Uh, Your Majesty, uh, I promise I, I, I don't want a piece of your

action. I, I want to marry William.

Oh, right. Well, if you're gonna be part of the family, uh,

you've got to know the

rules.

Oh, Your Majesty, your, your secretary briefed me on all the royal

etiquette.

I'm not talking about salad forks, love. This ain't The Princess Diaries.

That's right, 'cause that movie's crap, isn't it?

I think it has its moments, but-

... what rules are you talking about, Your Majesty?

All right, first off, when it comes to stuff in the palace,

yeah, don't go asking

questions like, "Where'd you get this vase?" Or,

"Where that throne from?"

'Cause chances are we nicked it.

That's right. Look, never forget that we are in charge here,

yeah?

Yes.

Right, you see that rope over there? Phil, pull the rope.

Oh, right, the rope.

Yes, Your Majesty?

Piss off.

Yes, Your Majesty.

Now,

look at him go.

That's not bad, is it?

Look at him go.

Your Majesty, why did you call him in just to tell him

to

piss off?

'Cause we do whatever the hell we want.

Yeah.

I'm back.

Yes.

And, and that was the first time I'd ever met

Sir Winston Churchill.

So sorry, Grandmama. It seems there was a bit of trouble with Prince Harry.

He was over-served at a party, and ended up crashing his motorcar in full

blackface.

Oh.

How dreadful. But William, we're just getting to know dear Catherine

here.

Leave us be for another few minutes, if you would.

Oh, Kate. Grandmama has never taken to anyone like

this.

What joy. I'll be back.

Uh, so...

Nice little bloke, isn't he? Used to be better looking, but

still.

Your Majesties-

Look, drop the Your Majesty crap, right?

I, I won't.

Call me Deborah.

All right,

Deborah.

Right, that's a clever girl. That's good.

When it comes to being a wife, when you're out there waving to a parade,

you be

Princess Di, you be Princess Grace, but in the bedroom, think

Fergie.

Oh, my God, that's horrible.

Well, we're horrible people, aren't we? Yeah.

Oh. Yes, William. Yes, William, I want to g- I want to get away from you.

No, no, you can't get away from me, 'cause I'm on the money, ain't I?

Oh, Deborah, Deborah.

I'm on the money. I'm in your wallet.

You're on the money, yeah.

I'm in your wallet. Uh-

William.

Right. Right.

Ah.

Oh.

And that is why we ride in a carriage.

So sorry, Grandmama, but Kate and I are to give a press conference now.

Let's go, my love.

Wonderful getting to know you, my dear.

Yes, please call again soon.

Goodbye, Your Majes-

Goodbye, Deborah.

I bet I could kick your ass, you geezer.

Oh, all right, let's go then.

All right, come on.

Come on.