Dolly Parton Discusses Life and Humor

Hi there.

Hi, Dolly. I'd like to know, how long does it take to do your hair?

How would I know? I'm never there.

Hi.

Hi. You believe in living together before

you're married?

Lord, I don't even believe in living together

after you're married.

Do you ever wish you were born a guy? Do I ever wish I was born a guy? Lord, no.

I've always been a sissy, and if I'd have been born a man,

I'd have been a drag

queen.

'Cause I love to prim.

Hello, everybody. And hello to Ella.

Well, hello, Dolly.

I just, I just popped my top, but it's all right. It's attached.

That's probably not the first time.

No, it's not.

Do you, do you, have you actually ridden the,

the splash rides or jumped in the

water there at all?

Oh, no. You think Moses parted the water. I'd be like...

I don't think I better do that. But we know I wouldn't last.

I, I actually, I, I think you'd be quite safe. Yeah.

Yeah, I'd be stuck.

10 people trying to push you under, but-

So my dad said, uh, I said, "Dad, don't you think that's great?" He said,

"Yes, I do. I am very, very proud of you," he said,

"because I know that

to your fans you may be some sort of an idol, but to the

pigeons you're just another outhouse."

What's the song you said you made up?

Well, I wrote this song 'cause you...

It's been real good for me ever since I started on your show.

Yeah.

And you said one time once I got to be real famous I probably wouldn't come back

on

the show, but I always will.

Oh, sh-

I'm here about as much as you are.

Uh, number six.

You can't get a wig repaired because Letterman's got some kind of a hairpiece

crisis.

Oh, that's great. Oh, come on.

You think so?

Very good. Mm. That's good. Yeah.

Well, I-

Well, I'm tacky as anybody at home.

You know-

Tacky

... we all, we all have our comfort zone.

Yes.

But everybody's comfort zone is different. But I do wear the shoes.

I'm so used to wearing them. I loved high heels before I knew I

was even gonna be

short, so, but I wear them.

Dolly, I'd like to ask you a question.

Okay.

I know that you have a lot of experience wearing wigs.

Yeah.

And I wonder, should I use Rogaine, should I get a wig- ...

or should I stay the way I am? What do you think, Dolly?

I think you should stay the way you are because just because you've lost your

fuzz don't mean you're not a peach.

But I'll, but also say

that people are always talking about my boobs,

and I happen to have a nice ass too.

Were you always bunched up at the top?

I mean-

Well, I've always had bigguns, but-

Yeah.

But I've had a little help lately or-

You have?

Yeah. Well, when my husband said, "Let me see your boobs,"

and I had to pull my

skirt up, I thought I better do.

I actually have my w- wig cap, has a little pocket on it in the back

because my clothes are so tight my mic pack don't fit

nowhere.

There's only room for me in my clothes.

And so I have it to where the mic fits in my hair 'cause I wear wigs all the time.

And so it goes right over it and just, we just kinda mic it around and it works

perfect.

What is Dolly Parton's favorite food?

Well, that's easy. Potatoes. Every diet I've ever fell off of

has been because of a potato, either french fries or mashed

potatoes or baked potatoes. Potato, potato, potato.

I never met a spud I didn't like. And I read every

book, every magazine I could see, and I really patterned my look, it

was a country

girl's idea of glamour, after what they call the town tramp, the,

uh,

the lady- Seriously, though. There was this lady, you know they have 'em.

In a mountain town, a country town, there's always a few loose women.

But this woman I thought was beautiful.

You know, it's like, uh, and she w- she had this beautiful permed side hair

and had

it piled on her head and red nails, high-heeled shoes, and,

and I just thought she

was the prettiest thing I'd ever seen.

And Mama said, "Oh, she ain't nothing but trash." So I

thought, that's what I wanna be, Mama.

I wanna be trash.

I've been as poor as anybody could be, so I had everything to gain and nothing to

lose. So I just kinda work without fear because

it's fun for me.

It's like if I fail, it's no big deal.

Mm-hmm.

If something don't work out, I'm not afraid of,

of failure because to me I never

feel like a loser. You know, even when I've lost I still, you know.

When you act. And, and you sell it so well, and nobody ever,

you know, right

off the bat you're, you're into your character

and you're not looking at Dolly

Parton anymore.

If you'll look real close, I only take parts that

is pretty close to my

own personality. I have never yet done one of those

scenes. Even the Best Little Whorehouse in Texas,

although I made a better whore

than I did a secretary. Uh, and I-

You said you're one of a dozen chil- six, six sisters and six boys.

Uh, there's six girls and six boys-

Are they all as-

... in the family

... all as healthy as you are?

We were all pretty healthy.

I mean, is it the mountain air? Is it the, uh-

I tell you what

... living on the farm, uh-

When you work the fields like, uh, we had to, you, uh, get very muscular.

It's true.

Working outdoors in the fields.

No. We, we are all healthy. And I have, uh, I suppose we all look similar, all the

girls. I have some really pretty sisters.

Some of 'em are-

Yeah

... petite, some of 'em are bigger, and I'm the fat one.

Well, you're not fat.

I'm good and healthy.

You're, you know, zaftig I guess would be the word.

Zaftig.

Zaftig?

Yeah.

That, I don't even know what that word is. What is it?

Of Europe.

Oh.

Have you known Jennifer Aniston for a while?

You know, I love her to death. My husband is crazy about her.

Oh, really?

Yes. And he was more excited that I was gonna do a movie,

uh, with her than he was that I got the chance to write all this

music.

See, I think he kind of fantasizes like a

threesome with-

Well, hey. Carl, put it back.

You know, Carl, Carl-

Hey, Carl. The tape. Put it back, Carl. Good God.

No, but I'm serious. He does. And I think-

Oh my God

... I mean, I mean, I think he can't even get it out to pee,

much less get it up

for two.