Football Club Manager's Dilemma

Morning, sir. Morning, gentlemen. Morning. Thank you for morning.

Now, Rawlinson, we, the directors and I, have been considering the

club's recent results. Yes, sir.

Clayed 18, won nil,

drawn nil, lost 19.

This includes, of course, last night's match against Newport County,

when you surrendered before kick off.

Yes, sir.

Now, the directors and myself,

we don't want to start apportioning blame or anything,

but we did feel that perhaps some new players...

I signed three new players last week, sir. Ah, yes, so you did. Kevin Rawlinson,

Gary Rawlinson and Denny

Hotchkiss. Fine lads, sir. Perhaps, but by some remarkable turn of fate, Rawlinson,

all three are your cousins. That's a lie, sir.

All right, so Denny Hotchkiss is your wife's

cousin. He's a fine, promising youngster, sir. He's 47.

Not until September, sir.

And as for our so called youth squad...

Now, sir, sir, I won't have a word said against those lads.

I look on those lads like,

well, like a father looks on his son, sir.

They are your sons, Rawlinson. Coincidentally, sir, yes.

I suppose that's why we signed our new left winger.

Sir, that left winger is there for reasons of skill, pace and experience.

And because she's your mother?

There is a family connection, sir, yes. She's your mother, Rawlinson, and she's 81.

Well, she's young for her age, sir.

But you know, all this, Rawlinson,

would pale into insignificance if it

wasn't for the question of our goalkeeper.

Well, he tries his best. Tries his best?

Rawlinson, how do you think we directors feel sitting in our box come a Saturday,

looking down at our goalkeeper, running around in excited little circles,

yapping and barking and...

and pausing only to piddle against the goalposts?

Fluffy's been in the family for years, sir.

I'm surprised you don't play your blasted cat. It's got a groin strain.

I suppose it is, then, is it?

A sack? Another football league manager fired?

Now, Rawlinson, listen to me. This club isn't like the others.

We don't sack our managers just because you lose a few games.

So we're going to give you one last chance.

Win on Saturday, and your job is safe.

Thank you, Uncle Norris. Thank you.