Trump's Republican Debate Highlights: Jokes About Rand Paul and Ted Cruz

We witnessed the GOAT-

... undefeated in debates.

And he never said a fact.

You know how impressive that is? He was funny,

and he argued like a fifth grader.

He was unstoppable.

People would try to hit him with statistics and facts.

He would just go, "Wrong."

Like, holy fuck, dude. How was no one prepared for this?

Go back and watch those debates. You forget how g- how good, how

electric that shit was. Don't tell your friends in Austin.

They'll be mad. Just get a six-pack. Toss on a Trump highlight video on

YouTube.

It's a good night, dude. Why, I went back, I watched his first debate.

That's, like, my favorite one. At the time, Trump was polling at, like,

less than

1%. Like, he was... No one liked him.

If you guys like him now, you didn't back then.

And I know that, 'cause my dad, I watched my dad.

My dad, at the time, he would like, anytime Trump even came on TV,

my dad would be

like, "Get this fucking joker." "Get him off the

fucking screen."

And then now my dad's like, "Yeah, fucking guys can't go to the Capitol?"

He's like, "What, guys can't have fun anymore?"

He's like...

And it was 'cause of the debates. That's what did it, dude.

That's how we got Trump, these debates. And the first one is the best one.

So it's a Republican primary. Everyone's up on stage,

and they're all still doing

their political shit. So, like, the first couple guys that talk are like,

"I'm from

Kentucky, and I love education." And the crowd's like,

"Nice." We didn't know what was coming.

And then the next guy's like, "I'm from Georgia,

and I love religion." The crowd's

like, "Pretty good. This is a good one." "This is a heated debate."

And then it finally got to Trump's turn to talk, and he was just like,

"Rand Paul is ugly." And the whole crowd

was like, "Oh."

"We didn't know you could do that in this.

You can just do that as your thing?" And Rand Paul's like, "All right,

everybody

settle down. We're trying to have a debate here."

And the whole crowd was like,

"Shut the fuck up, Rand Paul."

"Ugly bitch."

And we just kept throwing dorks up on stage to make them debate Trump.

It was not fair. It was mean for us to have done

that to people.

These guys were in politics their whole lives.

And they just had to debate a fucking maniac up there-

... who didn't give a fuck, dude. And I hate to, he's f-

it was fun to cheer for him in the debates.

It was fun to cheer for him in the debates because he would, dude, they're, he was

going up against guys that had been in politics for, like,

40 years.

And then he showed up to the event like, "Yeah, fuck it.

What are we talking about?"

It was like he had no clue.

Every week, he had no fucking idea.

There's one debate, there's one debate, he's, like, in the middle of it,

going back

and forth about the economy with Ted Cruz.

They're literally talking about the economy, and in the middle of it,

he's just

like, "Ted's wife, ugly as a dog."

Like, dude, holy shit, dude. And Ted, Ted was like, "I'm from Texas.

You don't talk about a man's family like that." "You've got a dog wife, Ted."

It was like, everyone knows.

Yeah, and a week later, Ted Cruz was on TV like, "I support Donald J."

It's like, you pussy.