Satirical Commentary on Government and Corporations

Hello. I'm from the government with an update on

humanity's gentle

slide back into feudalism, brought to you by Brawndo.

It's got electrolytes. And now please rise for our first

trillionaire.

Hail. Of course, when you wake up to the obscene inequality

we've

enabled, you'll want to fight back.

That's why billionaires are building the tools to protect

themselves from

you, tools like Palantir.

Hi, I'm from Palantir, the military contractor and AI software

company named after the all-powerful Seeing Stones Tolkien warned us

not to leave in the hands of evil bastards.

Thankfully, we are very wise and balanced, like our

CEO, who can't stop talking about killing

people, wants an AI arms

race, and gets a boner talking about the West's

superiority in applying

organized violence. And our founder, who thinks Greta is the

Antichrist-

Pete knows about the Antichrist

... and no longer believes freedom and democracy are compatible.

Hail.

By freedom, of course, Pete means freedom for him

and his brologarch mates-

To rule the world

... and that's where Palantir comes in.

Let's meet some of our valued clients.

Hello, I'm from ICE. Kidnapping people off the street

is hard work,

but not with Palantir. Palantir makes it easy for us to link your

tax file,

social security license, and plates into AI-driven hit lists.

Sure, we mostly use it on migrants now, but Palantir will come in real

handy when we need to round up the resistance. Thanks, Palantir.

Hello, I'm from the government of Israel.

Committing war crimes is hard work, but not with Palantir.

AI-assisted targeting makes it simple to murder thousands of people, even

if most of them are civilians according to our own reports.

Thanks for supporting our genocide, Palantir.

Here at the British government, we heard Palantir is used for war crimes

and said, "Hey, let's give them a contract with our NHS."

Could someone

abuse that data? No. It's not like Palantir's UK CEO is

the grandson of a known fascist Nazi-loving antisemite.

Hail.

Here at the Australian government, we have no fucking clue.

So while others are ditching Palantir due to fears over data safety and its ties

to El Douche, we've let Palantir into our defense

department, banks,

and even supermarkets.

G'day, I'm from Coles. Price gouging you wasn't enough-

So we hired Palantir

... to track and cut costs on our already

underpaid serfs.

I mean staff.

Sadly for us, people are realizing what fucking psychos we

are here at

Palantir. That's why France just ended our contract.

British MPs want us out of the NHS, and GetUp is campaigning to

kick us out of Coles, which is a good start.

Except Palantir is just one head of the hydra.

The underlying problem are these billionaire shit bags

and the feudal

dystopia they're building around us.

So if you like democracy, now would be a great time to

wake the fuck up and stop them while you still can.

This has been a message from your local government franchise. Good luck.

Authorized by the Department of Tech Bro Feudalism.