Paul Heyman Responds to Stephen A. Smith

Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman.

I am here to address the comments made about me

on ESPN First Take by that Paul Heyman wannabe,

Stephen A. Smith.

Oh, oh, oh, calm down. Don't get me wrong.

I'm not being insulting when I say Stephen A.

Smith is a Paul Heyman wannabe. The first time I ever

appeared on camera with Stephen A.

Smith, he admitted in front of the whole

world and The Tribal Chief, Roman Reigns, that he's a

Paul Heyman wannabe.

You know, I, I usually don't find myself aspiring for

something, but what could

I do to be a wise man? What could I do

to be a Paul Heyman?

You can't.

I can't?

No.

The way you talk, the way you agitate

people,

I just admire it so much.

I just admire it so much.

I understand envy and jealousy.

I, I-

It's okay

... I'm not jealous, but I am envious. You're fantastic.

Yes, I am.

What does it take to be under your

stewardship?

The willingness to be subservient to the cause of pure greatness.

That, that, that's beautiful.

There it is.

That's beautiful. I'm stealing that.

Now Stephen A. Smith comes on ESPN First Take, and he

says he

misses me,

and he loves me, but I, Paul

Heyman, have gotten soft.

Soft.

Paul Heyman's

gotten soft. I guess the fact that I

choose after a 40-year Hall of

Fame legendary GOATed career not to

be the second most obnoxious, abrasive loudmouth

on television next to Shane Cornette,

that makes me soft.

Let's be honest. The only person soft in

this conversation is Stephen A. Smith.

But let's not talk about rumors coming out of our own bedrooms.

Dr. Heyman is here with 100 milligrams

to get you hard all over again so

that you can advocate

on the wonderment

of self-fornication.

FYI, that means GFY,

but don't worry about it. It doesn't make you soft.

It makes you hard.

Because my softness is a prelude to a level

of hard you will never achieve.

Hey, Stephen,

it's okay,

because

you miss me,

and you love me,

and I miss you,

and I love me, too.