Humorous Evolutionary Explanation

In the beginning, we were all fish, okay? Swimming around in the water.

And then one day, a couple of fish had a retard baby, and the retard baby was different, so it got to live.

So retard fish goes on to make more retard babies.

And then one day, a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its mutant fish hands,

and it had butt sex with a squirrel or something, and made this retard frog squirrel.

And then that had a retard baby, which was a monkey fish frog.

And then this monkey fish frog had butt sex with that monkey,

and that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey, and that made you.

So there you go.

You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt sex with a fish squirrel.

Congratulations.