Satirical Discussion on Measurement Systems

We fight for a country of our own, a new nation, where we choose our own laws.

Hear, hear, said sir.

Choose our own leaders.

Yes, sir.

And choose our own systems of weights and measures.

Weights and measures, sir?

Yes, yes, I dream of that one day.

Our proud nation will measure weights in pounds and that 2,000 pounds shall be called a ton.

And what will 1,000 pounds be called, sir?

Nothing.

Because we will have no word for that.

It seems like we should have a word for 1,000 pounds, sir.

And yet we won't.

Because we are free men, and we will be free to measure liquids in liters and milliliters.

But not all liquids, only soda, wine, and alcohol.

Only those, sir?

Yes, because for milk and paint, we will use gallons, pints, and quarts, God will.

How many liters are in a gallon, sir?

Nobody knows.

And, sir, in this new country, what plans are there for men of color such as I?

Distance will be measured in inches, feet, yard, and mile.

So 12 inches to a foot?

Uh, 12 feet to a yard.

If it were only so simple.

Three feet to a yard.

And how many yards to a mile?

Nobody knows.

Okay, well, how many feet to a mile?

5,280, of course.

It's a simple number that everyone will remember.

I must confess, it feels a little complicated, sir.

Why not use meters and kilometers?

We will, soldier, but only in certain unpopular sports like track and swimming.

For popular sports, like football, we will use yards.

Football, sir?

Yes. It's a sport where you throw a ball with your hands.

So in football, there is no kicking?

There's a little kicking.

You kick the ball to get points.

How many points, sir?

Sometimes one and sometimes three.

Very confused, sir.

Do not worry.

For our new nation, we will have rulers with two sets of numbers.

Inches on one side, centimeters on the other.

So we can see where they line up?

Yes, except that they don't line up and they never will.

Why?

Liberty, son. Liberty.

And the slaves, sir? What of them?

You asked about the temperature.

I did not.