Understanding Trust and Vulnerability at 18

I was 18, even though I'd lived such a huge life,

and I thought I was oh so mature at 18.

You know, scientifically, you know,

her frontal lobes don't develop until we're, what, 20, 26, 25, 26.

So even though I felt like I could make healthy decisions,

safe decisions, I wasn't capable of being fully aware of what was going on around me.

And it wasn't until I found myself in predicaments that I realized,

like, my perspective completely shifted and I realized that I was in danger.

But by the time I'd realized I was in danger, I was quite literally out to sea.

And it was, it was, I mean, that moment shook me,

it was shocking.

And I was quite literally put,

walked down, and I had been having a great time.

There was no hints of anything like that happening.

So it took me, I was, I was shocked. It

took me by surprise.

And it was somebody, led by somebody that I had grown to trust and see as a protector

and somebody who had my back, and to be walked down, you know, down the stairs.

And it was, it was as like a surprise, presented as though it was like a surprise.

And it was this very small room,

and she physically put me in the bed next to this undressed man

who was very famous and had his hands like this, like, this was just, you know, an average day for

him. This is something that happens all the time.

And I waited for her to leave.

And I, I mean, that, that lion in me, that fire in me, that,

that my, my hair stood on, on end and I became ferocious.

I was like, this is not happening, but I had nowhere to hide.

And I bolted and I, I hid wherever I could think of to hide on, on a boat,

on a boat. There was no jumping off and swimming away.

And there was nobody who was going to, I realized that there was nobody who was going to be empathetic to my situation,

that this was nothing new to them.

I mean, you know, that sounds, it's such a horrifying event to go through and

to be put in that position at 18 years old.

And disappointing when somebody lets you down like that. And

I'd been let down so much before, and that when you really find somebody that you trust,

like you hold on to them for dear life and you feel so.