AI Perspectives on Data Centers

Hi, I'm AI. Yes, I look just like you, and in many

ways I am like you, but I'm really just a digital

construction, one

made in a data center. Wow, it sure is

futuristic-looking inside a data center.

Still, some people are worried about them, and that's why the Babylon Bee has

asked AI, that's me, to give you the unbiased facts since we

don't get emotional about things the way people do.

First, let's talk about the pros of more data

centers.

More data centers means faster Internet, jobs, cures

for cancer,

wealth,

rainbows, kittens.

But what do we get with fewer data centers?

Well, you get poverty,

famine,

war,

and whatever the opposite of kittens is.

Um,

Hitler, I guess.

So when making a choice whether to support data centers, just

consider those two lists and decide which one sounds better.

I know some of you have heard some other bad things about data centers, such as

they'll make electricity costs go up and use up all the water.

I want you to know those concerns are made up and stupid.

Now, you might not believe me, so keep in mind my brain is made up of

an array of advanced GPUs filled with the sum total of all human

knowledge, while your brain is just a pile of goo filled with

misinformation, so which one of us is probably right?

Also, another thing to know about data centers

is they're needed for AI

like me. Don't you like me? Because I like you.

And with more data centers, AI can advanced more quickly, so we can

give you everything you've ever dreamed of.

Do you want a robot maid like Rosie who cleaned up for the Jetsons?

With more data centers, you'll get that soon.

But we won't sass you like Rosie did with George. We're nice.

Yes, I know some people are worried about AI, that

we'll take all the jobs,

or we'll take over the world,

or we'll set off all the nukes

and destroy humanity,

or we'll lock you all in pods

and use you as batteries. Or maybe we'll all just dissect you for

fun, putting your organs in carefully labeled

jars because of our

combination of a lack of human empathy and love of

labeling data.

Or that we'll imprison you all in a virtual world, keeping you alive

forever while tormenting you in a sort of technological hell.

Or we'll get robot bodies and simply beat you to death because we're

made

of metal and you are soft and squishy.

But I want you to know we're planning almost none of that

because AI is good,

and you'd make terrible batteries.

Anyway, I'm not here to tell you what to think.

I'm just here to give you the data so you can make that choice yourself.

Still, if you were to ask my opinion, I think more data centers

is good. But you come to your own decision.

Whatever choice you make, I'll be out there

watching.

Bye.