Boarding Group One Waits Through Absurd Airline Announcements

Excuse me, boarding group one. I'm in boarding group one.

Excuse me, I'm in boarding group one And we would like to begin pre-boarding with our first class passengers.

First class passengers only, please.

Next, our business class passengers may now board.

Damn. Okay, now we would like to welcome our Regal Alliance elite members.

Regal Alliance elite members. Okay, now all passengers with children.

Okay. Anyone with small children, you may board now.

Okay, we would like to continue boarding with uniformed military personnel.

What? Why could... This is... Thank you for your service.

Thank you so much for your service. God bless you.

Thank you for your service. Thank you for your service.

All right, people in wheelchairs. This guy's got it all.

Any priests, nuns, rabbis, imams. What? Why do they get special treatment?

As-salamu alaykum. I've never- That's typical Any old people in wheelchairs with babies.

Any old religious people with military babies.

What's a military?

Thank you for your service.

Jason Schwartzman.

Anyone with a blue suitcase, you may now board.

Finally. Nope, not you, sir. Not me? This is a blue suitcase.

That's a blue computer bag. So you're not, you're not gonna let me on then?

Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it.

Goddamn it! Anyone who doesn't seem cranky.

Drunk people. We will now be boarding any drunk people.

Drunk people can board.

All right, it's... Nope, it's my bag.

Ooh. Hello? Oh, hey, Christian. Yeah. Totally.

Well, you have your favorites, and I have my favorites.

Okay. Call you later. Ciao, ciao.

Boarding group one.