Discussion on Betrayal and Exploitation

When I got to this part, when you write about this in the book,

you write about a moment in your career where a friend of yours

takes you onto a boat. You're led to a room which has an older

man in it, and then basically told to perform sexual

acts

and, you know.

Oh, yeah.

And when I read that, I'm like, oh, gosh, like, not only have you

felt like you've had a really unsupported, you know,

upbringing,

you're now with a friend in the industry and then ending up

in a situation like this. Could you talk to me about what

that moment does to your psyche when you're that-

I mean, the fact that I was 18, e- even though I'd lived such a

huge life, and I thought I was oh-so-mature at 18,

you know, sc- scientifically, you know, our frontal lobes don't

develop until we're what? 20, 26, 25, 26.

So even though I felt like I could make

healthy decisions, safe decisions, I

wasn't capable of being fully aware of

what was going on around me. And it wasn't until

I found myself in predicaments that

I realized, like, it, it, uh, my, my,

uh, perspective completely shifted, and I

realized that I was in danger. But by the time I'd realized

I was in danger, I was quite literally out to sea.

And, um, and it was, it was,

that mo- I, I mean, that moment shook me

and was shocking. Um, and I was quite

literally put, walked down, and I had been

having a great time. There was n- no hints

of anything like that happening, so

it took me...

I- I was, I was shocked. It took me by surprise.

Um, and it was somebody, led by somebody that I had grown

to trust and see as a protector

and somebody who had my back. And to be

walked down, you know, down the stairs, and it was, it was

as, like a surprise, presented as, as though it was like a

surprise. And it was this very small room, and she,

she physically put me in the bed next to

this, this undressed man who was

very famous and, um, and had his hands

like this, like,

like this was just, you know, an average day for

him. This is something that happens all the time.

And I waited for her to leave, and I,

I mean, that, that

lion in me, that fire in me that, that, uh, my,

my h- hair stood on, on end, and I

w- became ferocious. I was like, "This is not happening." But I

had nowhere to hide. And I bolted, and

I, I hid wherever I could think

of to hide on, on a boat, on a boat.

There was no jumping off and swimming away, and there

was nobody who

was going to... I realized that there was nobody who was going to be empathetic

to my situation, that this was nothing new to

them.

I mean, you know, that sounds, it's such a horrifying event to

go through and to be put in that position at 18 years old.

And disappointing when somebody lets you down like that.

And I'd been let down so much

before and, and that when you really find somebody

that you trust,

like, you hold onto them for dear life, and you feel

so lucky. So to be betrayed like

that-

Mm

... is just an awful feeling.