Getting Through a Life Low: Let Go of Labels and Find Independence

Is my life completely hopeless,

just like my sisters who are at rock bottom? I often think that way too.

Actually, you and I are not doomed, we’re just temporarily stuck.

We’re trapped in something invisible that grips us tightly. In the Dao De Jing,

this thing is called“ appearance”( xiang). What is“ appearance”?

Simply put, it is the fixed labels and judgments we have about the world,

ourselves, and things. You need to know,

what makes us suffer is never the thing itself,

but other people’s opinions of you.

Other people slap that unbearable label on you. That label is“ appearance.”

This“ appearance” can crush a person.

People who die early are crushed by what they carry in their hearts.

Those“ things” are not objective realities, but the appearances in our hearts.

Daoists say people who live long all have one thing in common,

they don’t carry things in their hearts.

People say good folks don’t live long and bad folks live a thousand years.

In fact, good people are not necessarily short- lived,

and bad people are not necessarily long- lived.

Only people who don’t carry things in their hearts and can let go live the longest.

If a good person is

always worrying about this and caring about that, they may die young.

If a bad person is always scheming against this one and resenting that one,

they also will not live long.

Only those who are not hung up on anything might, hey,

end up living a very long life.

But sisters, good and bad are both just appearances.

Appearance is not an objective reality,

it is a cognitive prison woven together by fame and profit.

Let me give another example.

What is an objective fact and what is appearance?

The balance in my bank account has gone negative. What is that?

That is an objective fact.“ My life is over, the sky is falling,

I can’t do anything right,” “ I am so useless.” What is that? That is appearance.

So sisters, whatever we do, whatever we run into,

don’t think of yourself as too weak.

Don’t add extra tragedy to your own story,

don’t always see yourself as pitiful.

“ Cognitive awakening” sounds very lofty,

but actually it is just that a person has been fed a pile of lies since childhood,

had her worldview distorted,

got tricked all the way into middle age before she finally comes to her senses.

Since we were little,

as women, we were taught that happiness means there is always someone to help,

someone to be with you, someone to coax you, someone to spoil you.

And then, whenever we face difficulties,

there will always be a man to help us. This is all appearance, sisters.

You are an independent individual.

As long as you are willing to act, you can live in any situation.

Sometimes being alone is not loneliness, it is freedom.