Survivor's Account of Childhood Abuse

My name is Mary Knight.

I'm a survivor of ritualistic child abuse, child sex trafficking,

incest, and other extreme forms of child abuse.

I did have a horrendous childhood, which included,

I was used in child pornography.

I was also sex trafficked by being

taken to motel rooms of men,

by being sold to, in my front yard

of my childhood home, close to my swing set.

I actually saw a man hand money to my mother.

It was a group of men, and I was sexually assaulted.

This happened throughout my childhood, including my teenage years.

I remember being brought to hotel rooms of men as a teenager.

Some of my abuse could be considered satanic ritual abuse.

I know that's a controversial term.

My definition of satanic ritual abuse is that it is extreme abuse,

physical and sexual, and that it involves multiple perpetrators and or multiple children.

I was also sexually abused by my mother.

I was sexually abused by other family members, grandparents,

and one thing that I would consider satanic ritual abuse

is I was put in a coffin.

I was put in a coffin with my sister's body.

She died when she was 11 and I was nine.

What I remember about it is that even though her body had been mutilated,

and I'd had to watch and participate in that,

which I also would consider satanic abuse,

when I was put in the coffin with her body,

I was glad to get to be close to her.

I knew, you know, I wouldn't, it was the last time

I could be close to her, and I remember touching her hair,

and one reason I know it's true is if I were writing a story,

if I were making up a story about a child being put in a coffin,

I would never think that the child would be happy to be close to the corpse,

but I didn't consider it a corpse.

I considered it my sister's body, and I liked to get to touch her hair one last time.

My parents led a complete double life,

and they went to church three times a week.

I was well-dressed at school.

There were no bruises where they would have been detected.

I didn't remember my abuse except for while it was going on,

so I couldn't report it to anyone,

because when it was going on, I was around abusers,

and I didn't remember it otherwise, even as a child.

Some people with recovered memories remembered their abuse up to a certain age.

No, mine was just while I was being abused.

I remembered it. Otherwise, I wasn't aware of it.

That enabled me to make good grades,

because I didn't think about my abuse when I was at school.

I was always afraid of my parents, and I didn't know why,

but I couldn't ever say I was afraid of my parents.

So my sister died of cancer.

She died of brain cancer.

I know she died of the illness because I saw her in the hospital.

My parents did not murder my sister.

I know for sure my parents didn't murder my sister.

What happened after she died, I think, is that the funeral home picked up her body,

which is usual, pick up the body from the hospital,

but what's unusual is they brought it to my childhood church and in the middle of the night or in the very early hours of the morning,

I was brought to my childhood church and outside,

and that's where my sister's body was mutilated with a knife.

The knife was placed in my hand, and abusers do that to make the child feel responsible for the abuse.

That was a really hard memory for me because

I couldn't imagine how did anyone get me to stab my sister with a knife even though she was deceased?

But when I finally remembered it, it was actually very simple.

My father said, do it, and I did it.

I knew that you had to do what my father said,

and that really explains a lot of what they were able to do to me throughout my life.