Discussing Grief and Loss in Family

Um,

you suffered an unimaginable loss in 2012-

Mm-hmm

... when your eldest son, Sage, died.

Mm-hmm.

He had an undiagnosed heart condition that killed him when he was only 36,

and I just wanna say, I'm so sorry.

Thank you.

I imagine that must have profoundly changed you.

Oh.

You know,

the thing is, you know, you have so many

episodes of guilt, like, "What could I have done?

Should I have been there?

If I did that, if I went right or went left..." I had no idea that,

that...

I mean, it was stunning. Like, I'll never forget.

It was so cold. My

mother's new husband, I never met, he was a

doctor.

I get a phone call,

Friday the 13th. He goes, "Sly,"

uh, Steven, you know,

um, "He's gone." "Who's gone?" He goes,

"Sage, he's gone."

I... "What gone? Where?" He- he, "He's died. He's gone.

I'm sorry." Click.

I said, "Is this possible?"

That's how you found out?

That's how, yeah. That's how. "He's gone. He's gone.

Dead. Sorry. Gone." And

it wasn't...

You know, go to the funeral.

You go through all the, again, you know,

dealing with the mother, dealing with your life in the present,

and it's a whole... I mean, it, it just takes you into a

whole other world, and I'll never forget.

I go, "Well, I'm holding it together.

When's it gonna happen?" You know, "When..."

And then,

about a week later,

I was all alone in

my room,

and a wail came out of me

I've never heard before or since. It was just

such

pain

and grief and guilt, and it was just a...

It was just, it, it was not human.

It really wasn't.

But all I can say is that he was a very kind kid.

He had a great mother and a nice, you know...

He, we would have done wonderful things in the

future.

I, I just had no idea that he had

something that, well, you would expect in a very advanced

adult to have.

But, no, you don't get over that. No.

I'm sorry.