Family dynamics during illness

Only if you keep your distance

Jan?

Sir.

Oh, Mike. It's in conference time.

Well, I was just going in to-

No, come

on, come

on

What's with a conference at a time like this when we have a kid upstairs with the

measles?

Two kids. Jan has the measles too.

Oh, wow. What'd the doctor say?

Which one? There are two doctors up there.

Why two?

Well, naturally I called Dr. Porter, and naturally you called Dr. Cameron.

One and one makes two.

Amazing. Two doctors both making house calls,

they may be drummed out of the AMA.

You haven't heard the rest of the story. Dr. Porter is a woman doctor.

Oh.

And Peter doesn't want a woman doctor.

Honey, I can't say I blame him. A guy doesn't want a woman, you know,

taking his temperature.

Well, Jan isn't exactly thrilled about a man

taking hers.

Dr. Cameron's a very fine doctor.

Well, Dr. Porter's a very fine doctor too.

I mean, she's taken marvelous care of the girls

for-

What's wrong?

We've got the measles.

All four of us.

Correction, all six of us.

You mean Jan and Peter have them too?

Well, you better call Dr. Porter.

Dr. Cameron.

Dr. Porter.

Dr. Cameron.

Hold it.

They're both upstairs.

I like Dr. Cameron. He gives lollipops. Dr.

Porter gives all-day suckers.

Doctors must have an arrangement with dentists.

Dr. Cameron.

Dr.

Porter.

Dr. Cameron.

Dr. Porter.

Well, we, uh, appreciate your-

Well, it certainly was kind of both of you to-

Yes

... come.

We, uh, would like, uh... What I mean to-

Yes. Well, Mike and I, uh, uh, we certainly are going to discuss this

situation.

Yeah.

We understand. It certainly isn't necessary to double

your doctors.

Well, uh, we want who's best for the, what's best for the children.

Well, fine. You make your choice.

Yeah.

That's right, Dr. Cameron.

Right. And may the best man, uh, or woman

win.

Well-

Bye

... thanks again.

Sure.

Right.

Bye.

Oh, honey, will you stop worrying and relax? We'll use your doctor.

I wouldn't dream of it.

Why?

If we used my doctor and anything went wrong,

I'd never forgive myself.

Oh, fine. Then we use my doctor and I'd never forgive myself.

Nuh-uh, wouldn't do it.

Okay. You insist. We'll use my doctor.

Fine.

Hold it.

Ha ha ha.

Hold what?

You outmaneuvered me. Use your doctor, that's what you wanted all along, to use

your doctor.

You object? Then we can use your doctor.

Oh, no. That's not gonna work either.

Oh, come on, Mike. Why don't we just put it off until you can

decide which doctor?

At this point I'd settle for a witch doctor.

Oh, Greg. You won my railroad.

I'll be a sport. You can ride on it free.

Thanks a lot. It's your turn, Peter.

All I need is two more halves. Six.

Ah, missed it.

Boy, this is the life, isn't it?

Yeah. If you have to get sick, you sure can't beat the measles.

That's right.

No medicine.

Inside or out. Like shots, I mean.

Don't even mention shots. Yech.

Where'd you land?

I won a 90-foot yacht. Who owned that big yacht?

Jan.

Who cares? I get seasick anyway. Marcia, would you please tell

Bobby to stop it? Listen, you kids.

You promised you'd stay in the other room and color. That's what we're doing.

We're coloring. I colored a tiger, then Bobby colored

a giraffe, and now Bobby wants to color me.

You? My spots. I thought they'd look better green.

Go back and color your books. And Bobby, her spots would look rotten in

green.

Hey, how about blue? I could make her spots blue.

I like them red like they are. Go on, you two. Back to your coloring books.

You're a pain in the humps, Cindy. Go on.

Those two act like such children. Come on, Jan.

It's your turn.

Boy, I sure am lonesome for Mrs. Kittredge and that algebra class.

I could almost cry. Boo-hoo.

Yeah. Everything would be perfect

, except for the doctors. Especially that woman doctor.

Yeah. Women are supposed to be nurses.

Men are supposed to be doctors.

Who says so? There are men nurses.

Where?

Yeah, name one place. The county hospital.

I just won it, and from now on, it's gonna have nothing but women

doctors and men nurses.

When are you girls gonna give up? Everybody knows men doctors

are better than

women doctors.

You're not everybody. You're not even anybody.

Did you hear that, Greg?

You keep talking like that, girls, and-

Gentlemen, if you don't like the conversation in this

room- Which by

coincidence happens to be a woman's room- True.

Then why don't you get lost? Scram

Come on, Peter. We can take a hint.

Yeah, it's time for lunch anyway.

And just for that, Marsha, no free rides on my railroad.

I know there's another one somewhere.

I just remembered where. In the garage. I'll be right back.

Is that you, Cindy?

Yes, Mother.

Your orange juice is coming right up.

Yours too, Bobby.

Oh, Marcia, can it wait?

Greg, your father's looking for a bell.

Now please stop pounding on those silly drums.

Happy New Year, Jan.

If you'll just wait a minute, Sergeant Peter,

your lunch will be right there.

Oh, Alice, you know something?

I bet when I go to sleep tonight, I'm gonna dream about bells.

I always dream about bells. They're always the same kind,

wedding bells.

And then I wake up.

That does it. No more bongo drums for Greg.

Oh, thank goodness.

Yeah, I kept getting the feeling that the natives were getting restless.

Come on, Mike, let's take these trays up.

Okay.

You got everything here?

Well, I think so. There are, uh, six luncheon trays, uh,

five comic books, four jigsaw puzzles, three magic tricks,

two ice cream bars.

And one

cowbell.

It's sure great how some people can sing while other people are dying.

Why is it that kids always say they're dying?

Because to a child's mind, that is the

super way of getting even.

You have to admit, though, the kids have been awfully good.

After all, they're uncomfortable and they're itchy.

Yeah, and stuck up in bed. Oh, well, I think they've been really great.

Hardly any trouble at all.

You were saying, Mrs. Brady?

Coming, coming.

I'm waiting. I'm waiting.

After you, my dearest, I can get it.

Oh, thank you, kind sir.

Oh,

thanks.

Okay.

Okay, fellas. Here we are, lunch.

Lunch, lunch, lunch.

Everybody up.

Everybody get in line 'cause it's chow time, and such chow you've never seen.

Here.

There, Greg. Here's n-