Scottish Swearing Masterclass

Welcome to the Scottish Sweary News masterclass in Scottish

swearing. Today, looking at swearing as an art form.

Let's start with this wee beauty. Hoofwanking bunglecunt.

Hoofwanking bunglecunt. This is a person who has surpassed the

point of being just a wanker or a cunt, and is

in a league of their own when it comes to irritating people.

Let's hear it in the vernacular. Stop blaming the fucking homeless for all

your

money worries. It was the banks, you hoofwanking bunglecunt.

Or how about shitehawkery fucktrumpet.

Shitehawkery fucktrumpet. A person of

persistently poor character whose involvement in any given

situation is deemed to be unnecessary and

deeply irritating. And now let's have a wee F-word

special. Fucknado. A situation which has gone

spectacularly and chaotically wrong.

Of course, this can be upgraded to fuckadelic

fuckmageddon. Fuckadelic fuckmageddon.

A situation so spectacularly chaotic that normal

language has ceased to be of any use.

And finally, fuckadoodle diddlycunt.

A person whose behavior is so bewildering, and yet at the

same time, unfeasibly stupid.

And now let's try running them together in the vernacular.

It was an absolutely hoofwanking bunglecunt of a day.

Started with a wee bit of shitehawk fucknuggery, and then this fuckadoodle

diddlycunt turns up, and before you know it,

we're in the middle of a fucknado.

Pure fuckadelic fuckmageddon. Fuck me.

And now, here's Malky with the weather.

How's the weather looking in Scotland, Malky?

It's shite. There's a fucknado on the horizon.

Tomorrow, scattered fuckmageddon.

Uh, looking decidedly fuckadoodle

diddlyfucked.

Do follow me if you like this kind of thing.

The Sweary News will be going on a mini tour in Glasgow, Edinburgh, and Newcastle

very soon. Details to follow.

I am a lesbian.