Reflections on Hookup Culture and Self-Respect

I like hate hooking up now, which is so weird to say because I

fell into hookup culture for a good

year and, um, it's really weird to me now 'cause like

what do you mean I just had sex with random people and there was no emotion?

I'm sorry. I just like,

it like, I just like, I'm trying not to talk down on myself.

I just feel like it's so disrespectful to my body and my soul and

my being to let someone in that doesn't even really know

me, and it can be like lonely switching over

to this,

this side of like self-respect, I guess.

Um, and also like people judge you off your

body, so it's like I really do

struggle with the fact that I might have more. I don't know.

I can't wrap my head around like what is sex without emotion?

I, I'm just also, I don't really know how to say no.

And I'm not saying I was like

SA'd or whatever, I just kind of let things happen because

I'm

so hell-bent on not having like

someone be upset with me, even if that person isn't that good of a person.

It's just like in my blood to please everyone, no matter the

circumstance.

Yeah, I'm a people pleaser. Like it's so, it's so bad, and

I've gotten so much better with it, but it was like really, and it still

is bad,

honestly. It's, it's hard. But honestly, like I do struggle

with

people judging me now and, um, a lot of people think like

they can go back and forth through this phases and stuff, but I don't, I genuinely

don't think this is a phase. I've done so much growth and reflection

and like intellectual thinking about

life, and

I don't know. I just needed to share.

Like if you're

insecure about it, like you're not alone, and I'm here with you, and

honestly like

at least we have this realization now.

And I don't judge people that

are participate, like I've obviously been there.

And I just hate people that do because like it can be an outlet,

and like as fucked up as it sounds, like it can.