Personal Healing Journey and Insights

You know, after a lot of traumatic shit in my life,

I realized, "Oh, fuck, I'm

sick. I need help." Right? So I went to the doctor.

I told the doctor, "I need some help." So the doctor,

he's like, "Here's some

Ch-Chantix to quit smoking, some amphetamines for your ADD,

and here's some Klonopin for your anxiety.

Oh, and you seem a little depressed, so here's some Prozac."

So then I went home, lost my fucking mind after taking all that

shit. Then I went to the police for help, and the police were like, "We'll

beat your head in and throw you in jail." So then I called

the bail bondsman, and I

asked that dude, "Hey, bro, can you help me?

I need to get out of this place." So then I thought, "Okay, now I need to

try something different." So I went to the psychologist, right?

And the psychologist was like, "We need to look at your fucked up

childhood and all

the shit that fucking happened to you, and we gotta talk about

that shit for weeks,

and we'll do that shit for years, and you can just keep coming back

and paying me."

So I tried that for a couple years, and I wasn't feeling any better.

So then I was like, "Huh, where do I go next?" So then I tuned into

all the podcasts, and I listened to all the books,

and I tried to fucking help

myself, but it wasn't helping. So then I went to the parts work

guy, and then I went and got my Akashic record read, and then I

went and got my gene keys done, and then I went and got my...

I don't know. Fuck, I lost count. I don't even know what they're all called

anymore. But finally, finally, after all that shit,

I went to a shaman, and the shaman sat me down

and gave me a big old cup

of ayahuasca. I threw up in a bucket, saw a bunch of shit going

on, and then I heard him say, "There's no trophy for your

suffering. As long as you're worried about your

little self, you're

gonna fucking suffer. And the moment you decide to give

up that whole fucking story" into the bucket.

"Wake up and just say, 'You know what?

I'm good enough to at least start trying to help other people

and hold space for others.'" That guy, that guy told me the one

thing that none of those people wanted to tell me, because as soon as

they told me that, they were out of a job. But, see, he didn't have a job.

He had a spiritual life. That's the difference between a healer

and someone

that's trying to sell you some shit.

A healer wants you to be able to heal yourself. They remind you who you are.

They don't keep you coming back week after week.