Celebrity Crush on Sydney Sweeney Sparks Relationship Drama

Oh man. I'm so glad that they started putting attractive

people back on TV again.

Tell me about it.

Hey,

who's your celebrity crush?

Um,

I don't know that I have one.

Babe, come on. Everyone has a celebrity crush. Mine

is Brad Pitt.

Not me. You know, 'cause you're the only woman I want.

Just humor me. Pick someone. I mean, is it, like, Eva Mendes

or Angelina Jolie?

I think if I had to pick someone, probably be, like, uh,

Sydney Sweeney.

Hmm.

What?

Nothing. I just, uh...

You just don't look like her.

What?

Sydney Sweeney. I, I look nothing like her.

I mean, I don't look like Brad Pitt.

You have his

gaze.

His gaze?

Yeah, in like the eye area.

Sorry, are you mad about this? Because I told you I don't have a

celebrity crush.

I'm not mad, babe. I'm really not. I was just acknowledging the physical

disparity.

That's all, so.

Okay.

Just 'cause, like I said four times, I just wanna be with you.

Good.

Okay.

I think I wanna get a facelift.

Are people still doing that?

People who wanna look younger are.

What are you talking about? You look great.

Yeah, but do I look young?

What's happening right now?

She's younger than me.

Who?

Sydney Sweeney. She's like five years younger than me.

And?

You're into younger women now.

I'm not into younger women. I'm into you.

Well, your celebrity crush says otherwise.

Honey, I don't have a thing for younger women.

I definitely don't have a thing for Sydney Sweeney.

You promise?

Yes. You're the one I wanna be with.

Okay.

Ugh. God.

Stupid.

Ugh.

Okay.

You okay?

Yeah, fine. I'm just applying for jobs.

Why? You have a job.

Yeah, babe, I have one job with a salary. It's not enough.

Sorry, are you stressed about money?

It's not about money, babe. It's about value.

Her net worth is like a bajillion times more than mine.

What?

Sydney Sweeney. She's worth like $400 million.

Who cares?

You do. You want a woman who can shower you with

abundance.

Just admit it.

You know what? You're right. What I've realized about myself in the

last two hours

is that the thing that's most important to me is having a partner who is liquid.

First you call me valueless, and now you're being sarcastic.

I'm not interested in Sydney Sweeney, okay? You, you are my everything.

Even though I'm not worth $400 million?

Yeah.

Okay. Good night.

Hey.

Look, I'm,

I'm really sorry about last night.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Or should I say, "Je suis désolée"?

You like that?

Am I supposed to?

I would assume so.

She speaks French.

What?

Sydney Sweeney, she speaks French.

Who cares?

You do, apparently.

I do not.

Really? It must be her physicality then.

Her physicality?

She does all her own stunts.

Why is that important to me?

Because you love Sydney Sweeney.

I am not in love with Sydney Sweeney.

Look me in the eye and swear to me that you are not in love

with Sydney Bernie Sweeney.

I am not in love with Sydney Sweeney.

Explain this then.

What is that?

That's a screenshot of your Instagram Explore page. Care to explain?

I mean, our phones are always listening to us,

and you have talked about Sydney

Sweeney exclusively for two days.

I don't mean to blame you here, but I think it's your fault

that that's what's

going on.

Okay. Then why do you own every movie and TV show that Sydney Sweeney

has ever done?

I also own every movie that Meryl Streep has ever done.

You think I have a crush on Meryl Streep too?

You tell me, babe.

No, honey, of course I don't. L- look, you've created a narrative here,

and now you're trying to fit everything into it, but I'm telling you it doesn't

work because I'm not in love with S-

Huh. Okay, so let me explain this because-

"Dear diary, I can't stop thinking about how much I

love Sydney Sweeney.

She does all her own stunts."

I don't know if that proves anything.

Hmm.

Yeah.

Like, she's fine.

Six out of 10.

Kansas six out of 10.

I could take her or leave her.

I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers.

Yeah.

Shut up and sit down.