Satirical Dialogue on War and Negotiation

Alright, let's get right to the point.

We destroyed your Air Force, we sank your Navy to the bottom of the ocean,

we destroyed all your nuclear facilities, your missiles, your drones are dwindling every day.

You need to come to this table and surrender.

No.

I think we're doing pretty well.

We got you on the ropes.

What? Well, we sank all of your aircraft carriers.

No, you didn't.

Pretty sure we did.

I saw it on TV. CNN. On CNN,

your cities and your bases are all rubble after our hypersonic long-range missiles that we claimed that we weren't working on have hit you with 100%

effectiveness. Let me guess, you saw that on CNN also?

Okay, but we almost did hit that F-35 that one time.

Okay, we have a weapon that you don't know about.

It's called... A Death Star.

That's just Star Wars.

Well, with the state of Hormuz, we can't open that because of all the sandworms.

That's just Dune. We have the Moe Deep.

That's also Dune.

You see right through me and my literary and pop culture references, okay?

But let's talk, okay? Let's talk now. It's time for us.

But we have several demands.

You're in no... position to make any demands you have to surrender to us unconditionally

we demand that you surrender unconditionally absolutely not

well how about you send us a couple of planes filled with pallets of cash again huh

we know we don't really go in for that anymore

how about we leave you alone but we can destroy the Zionist regime

no that just puts us right back where we started we want the moon All of it.

No, man negotiating is pretty hard

Death to America, you know what? Let's just turn Tehran into glass.

How does that sound? Okay.

Okay. Okay. Don't do that You good you gotta give me something here.

How about we take?

California and Minnesota off your hands

Actually, that's kind of tempting. I'm just not in a position.

I don't have the authority to just hand over an American state to you, no matter how much the Democrats have ruined it.

We want all the E.T. cartridges from the Atari 2600 that you put in American landfills.

I never got to play it, and I love E.T.! Really?

We have a deal!

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