The Simpsons: Media Executives Release a Virus to Boost TV Ratings

I'd like to call to order this secret conclave of America's media empires.

We're here to come up with the next phony baloney crisis to put Americans back

where they belong, in dark rooms glued to their televisions,

too terrified to skip

the commercials.

Well, I think-

NBC, you are here to listen and not speak.

I think we should go with a good old-fashioned public health scare.

Yeah.

A new disease. No one's immune. It's like the summer of the shark,

except instead

of a shark, it's an epidemic, and instead of summer, it's all the time.

That is perfect.

Now, I hate to be the guy who derails what

everybody else loves.

He loves being that guy.

But Janice, we do have standards. This can't be a made-up

disease. The only moral thing to do is release a deadly virus

into the general public.

We do have something we've been holding onto, but it hasn't been tested.

Get over here, NBC.

Uh,

well, well, we certainly believe in testing, but I-

Oh, oh.

Wow. Wow.

Oh, yeah.

So, we've got our deadly disease.

We have to burn everything the cat touched before the virus makes us

paranoid.

Homer, stop burning.

They have a vaccine.

All right, we'll get the vaccine.

Don't worry, people. We have enough vaccines for

one child per family.

Oh.

I don't even have a kid that I admit to having.

Please use your time in line wisely to Sophie's Choice your

child.

Go, go, go.

What a crock.