Humorous Police Interaction Transcript

Name, please, sir

Right, sir. Hold on a second.

Ready?

Yes.

My name is Derek

What are you doing?

That's my name.

What is?

This. Derek

What?

Derek

is your name?

Yes.

What kind of name is that?

Well, it's my name.

Bit unusual, isn't it, Mr., uh

?

If I had a pound for every time someone has said that to me.

Um, how do you spell

Mr.

It's as it sounds.

Uh, yeah, but if you wouldn't mind spelling it for

me.

Well, I mean, can't you, I mean-

I would be very grateful if you would spell it for me.

All right then.

N-I-P-P-L-hyphen

E.

Nipple.

Beg your pardon?

Nipple.

Nipple? Where? What are you talking about?

N-I-P-P-L-E-

Hyphen E.

Hyphen E in my book spells nipple. It does not spell

Have you gone mad? What are you talking about?

I thought the modern policeman was supposed to be a highly trained law

enforcement

unit. You can't even spell.

All right, Mr. Nipple, if I can have your address, please.

Address please.

You talking to me?

Yes.

You wanna know my address?

Yes, please.

Or do you want to know Mr. Nipple's address?

Your-

Your address, please.

My address. Right. My address is number 22

Kings Lynn.

Watch it.

What?

Just watch it.

Watch what? For heaven's sake.

You do realize that assaulting a police officer is a very serious offense.

Yes, I imagine it probably is very serious,

but giving your address to a policeman,

on the other hand, probably isn't so serious. Or is it?

Perhaps the law's changed since I last looked.

Perhaps the home secretary's had to take stern measures against the rising tide of

people giving their address to policemen whenever they're asked.

All right, all right. Let's just check this with you, shall we,

Mr., uh

?

Yes.

Your address is 22

Kings Lynn.

No, no, no. What's the matter with you?

Ugh, it's 22

Kings Lynn.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought it was 22

Kings Lynn.

Well, it isn't.

Sorry. Bad with men handwriting.

Well, get a typewriter.

Where are we gonna afford a typewriter, sir?

Do you know, it's funny, from some angles it looks like 22

Kings Lynn