Understanding Gender Identity and Dysphoria

For once, I just want

to not be seen as a woman. It

hurts. It hurts so much.

I'm tired of going in public spaces and feeling so

unseen and feeling like

they don't see me the way I see myself.

And even after top surgery, I did not know that there is going to be

even more gender dysphoria that is going to come to the surface,

and I will

realize that HRT is not going to do any magic

overnight, and I will still have to go through this

middle phase

of transitioning and being seen and perceived as a

woman when I am not. I was at the gym today, and

the reason I don't really ask trainers who are cis

men for guidance is because they barely have any idea

about who I am, and they end up calling me a girl

or a woman or a

female client, and I hate that. And

I see this guy who's trying to correct my form and

everything, which is amazing, but

he ends up calling me a girl, a woman, assessing my

body like, you know, like I'm female, thinking

that I am an athlete because of the figure

that I'm working towards.

But I'm really tired. For once, I want to step out

in the world and be seen as who I am. I was

so scared of

changes and being on testosterone that I asked my

endocrinologist to put me on the lowest dose or whatever.

But I think I should really visit him again because this

sudden feeling hit me today that I have never seen myself

as a woman and being non-binary, and what if someone

doesn't want to transition? What if someone just wants to be

who they are? Why do we have to prove our

transness to people? It's hard. And if you're a

cis person watching this, please be kinder to your

trans friends around you. We all need to do

better.